Mike Royko

There was a jaunty bounce in the step of my friend Grump the conservative. ''We have sent the message,'' he said, ''and it has been received.'' What message is that?...

''Hello, I am running for president, and I would like to shake your hand.'' ''Nice to meet you.'' ''I can see by your face that you, like millions of other...

Here it was, primary day in New Hampshire, and maybe those votes were deciding the fate of the nation, even the planet. And this total stranger rushed up to me...

''I did it,'' Slats Grobnik said, the ring of triumph in his voice. ''I got through the whole thing without knowing what`s going on.'' You got through what thing? ''This...

It began when the Chicago cops bopped all those heads during the 1968 Democratic Convention and the delegates went home mad. Since then, the pundits and politicians have been asking...

Mike Tyson has been found guilty by a jury, and that ought to be it. But it hasn`t been. All sorts of social significance is being found in his trial...

It`s become a constant challenge to write something critical about a female person without bringing down the wrath of the sisterhood of angry letter writers. Which is really unfair. For...

''You got some sense of timing,'' Slats said with obvious disgust. ''I`m ashamed to admit I even know ya.'' What is it now? Did I neglect to buy my round?...

The executive from the Ben Hogan golf club company was indignant. And maybe he had reason to be. He had just read a column about the ''Buy American'' crusade in...

''What`s the penalty for treason?'' Slats Grobnik said. In extreme cases, I believe it is death. Why do you ask? ''Just wondering. So maybe I should keep my mouth shut.''...