Here it was, primary day in New Hampshire, and maybe those votes were deciding the fate of the nation, even the planet.
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And this total stranger rushed up to me on Wacker Drive, a frantic look on his face, a note of panic in a voice that said: ”You`ve got to write something to stop them.”
Stop who? What? Buchanan, Brown, Clinton, Tsongas?
Before I could ask, the words tumbled out. ”How can they even think about trading Ryno? You work there. Tell them they can`t trade Sandberg. They should pay him whatever it takes.”
It was drizzling and I wanted to grab lunch. So I should have said:
”Yes, I will instruct them to keep Ryno until his hair is white and his teeth fall out.”
Or that while the paper I work for is owned by the same Fortune 500 company that owns the Cubs, as well as paper mills in Canada, newspapers and TV stations in other cities, I don`t know the people who run the Cubs, any more than I know the guys at the paper mills.
Instead, I told him that trading Sandberg is a fine idea.
He glared at me, then said: ”What the (deleted) kind of Cub fan are you.”
And he stalked away before I could explain that I was speaking not as a Cub fan, but as a compassionate, caring, decent human being.
Yes, I would like to see the Cubs trade Sandberg, the finest player they have had since Ernie Banks, who was the finest player they had since Andy Pafko. Just as I hoped they would trade Banks and was delighted when they traded Pafko.
That`s because I admire Sandberg. Not only for his remarkable baseball skills but also because he doesn`t get in pre-dawn brawls outside of gin mills, or whine to the press that his pay envelope is so thin he`s on the brink of being homeless.
And because I admire him, I would like to see him fulfill every player`s dream of playing on a championship team.
Yes, that could happen if he remains a Cub. And I could arise tomorrow with a head of thick curly hair.
But baseball history tells us that it`s more likely to happen if he goes somewhere else. Almost anywhere else.
Every year in the playoffs and World Series we see young men who have had the good fortune to be traded or discarded.
Do you remember Ken Holtzman? There was one bright kid. He flat-out said he didn`t want to pitch here anymore because the wind kept blowing balls over the wall.
So they shipped him to Oakland, where the wind must have been blowing the other way, and every time the World Series came on, there was Kenny performing heroic acts and picking up another championship ring.
There have been many others. Lou Brock, Dennis Eckersley. But if I list them all, it will just depress Cub fans. And the coming season promises to be depressing enough.
But just consider Ernie Banks. He will be remembered as the greatest Cub of them all. He will also be remembered as probably the greatest player to never be on a championship team.
Is that fair? Most of us believe in forgiving honest mistakes, especially those made by the young. So was it right for Banks to be punished so severely for having said at a tender age: ”You mean if I sign that piece of paper, I will become a Cub. Great!”
In contrast, there was Andy Pafko, my boyhood hero. He played on the 1945 Cubs in the draft-reject World Series. But when the able-bodied players returned from the war, the 4-F Cubs slunk to oblivion.
Out of kindness or stupidity, they traded Pafko to the Dodgers. As I recall, the Dodgers gave them a catcher who had gangrene in his throwing arm and a utility man who could play eight positions poorly.
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But Pafko went on to play in a World Series with the Dodgers and another with the Milwaukee Braves. Had he remained a Cub, he would have spent those years playing catch with the grounds crew.
So I say: Free Ryne Sandberg. Remove his shackles. Fling open the door of his cell. If he has a destiny, let him fulfill it.
In fact, there should be an amendment to the Civil Rights Act requiring that when a player has been a Cub for five years, and it is determined that he has done his very best, he should be able to walk into a government office and say: ”I demand to be removed from bondage and given my full rights as a United States citizen and as an ex-Cub.”
Free Ryne Sandberg. (That would make a great bumper sticker.) Criminals receive time off for good behavior, so why can`t this fine lad?
So, what is happening in New Hampshire? Ah, the early returns say that Mario is going to finish last? Well, I`ve been saying all along that he`s a brilliant guy. Mario said the write-in campaign would flop and it did. Didn`t I say he was brilliant?