Mike Royko

Until recently, I couldn`t think of anything that Dan Quayle and I might agree on. Actually, there has been something. We both believe that playing golf beats working. But unlike...

When the cop asked me if I remembered Jim Gaston, I told him to jog my memory. ''A three-time loser,'' he said. ''A stickup man. The one that Judge Strayhorn...

If the presidential candidates of both parties want to enliven their debates, they might talk about what they`ll do about Jawon. Jawon, 14, lives on the West Side of Chicago....

Staring up at the TV set, Slats Grobnik said: ''Did I miss something?'' No, the president has just arrived and has not yet begun to speak. ''Then if he didn`t...

A group of scientists has made the amazing discovery that there is a direct relationship between the size of a man`s sexual organ and the size of his nose. For...

The general who said that war is hell wasn`t entirely correct. We`re in a war right now, and it isn`t all that terrible. At times, it`s even fun. That`s because...

We all have feelings. And while I have a thick hide, my feelings can be hurt. So I was really deeply pained when I got a call from the media...

Over the phone she had a sweet-sounding, little-old-lady voice. Politely she said: ''May I ask you a personal question?'' Sure. ''Are you a dago?'' The question startled me. After a...

Slumping onto his barstool, Slats Grobnik said: ''I just had a close call. A bunch of wild people on the street almost trampled me.'' Were they going to a rock...

The real gloom didn`t set in until a few hours after the Bears game ended. No, not because the Bears lost. That was mildly disappointing, but I had expected it....