It’s Thursday morning. Do you know where your Cubs manager is?
An early lock for the weekend: Chicago. The city has been locked up tighter than Bill Wirtz’s wallet in preparation for protests against the Bears’ global hording of bad football players.
FST TRACK: Drag-racing legend Kenny Bernstein will retire after the National Hot Rod Association finals this weekend. Bernstein was the first driver to break the 300 m.p.h. mark in the quarter-mile– which would get you from Chicago to L.A. in about seven hours. You want to stop for lunch, that’s your call. But then it’ll take eight hours, nine if you hit traffic outside Vegas.
HABIT FORMING: One of three groups in consideration for an NBA expansion team in Charlotte withdrew Tuesday. Didn’t the NBA already withdraw from Charlotte?
GOOD HANDS PEOPLE: Georgia fans are calling Terrence Edwards the “Bill Buckner of Bulldog Nation” for his drop of an easy catch late in its loss to Florida. Easy, goofballs. Georgia won its last National Championship in 1980; the Red Sox last World Series title was 1918. Hey Uga, call us in 2074 and we’ll talk.
EARLY HEISMAN BALLOT: Anybody not named Seneca (brutal schedule, brutal results), Grossman (three losses too many and counting) or Dorsey (it’s been done and Gino Torretta’s bill is still being paid).
BALLOT STUFFER: Former Huskers coach Tom Osborne (no relation to Ozzy Osbourne because, well, they spell their last names differently) easily won re-election to Congress. There was no Democrat to run against him because Troy State plays at home this week.
BIG MAC: Northern Illinois has a chance to knock off one of the remaining undefeated teams in Division 1 (yes, it’s really D-1) when No. 20 Bowling Green visits Saturday. Both teams are 5-0 in the MAC and the winner will take the West division lead. So, for those of you scoring at home, it’s Northern good, Northwestern bad and Illinois waiting for basketball.
THE VOTES ARE COUNTED: Tony La Russa was named the NL manager of the year Tuesday. Dusty Baker? Sixth. One spot behind the Cubs. Now it’s all starting to make sense.
ON TAP: College World Series champion Texas was put on 2 years probation by the NCAA because an assistant coach took a job at a beer distributorship owned for a former university regent. But he didn’t do any work for the company and spent his time mostly recruiting players.
Mmm, beer.
MISERABLE SODS: Following Boston College’s upset of Notre Dame, some BC players dug up chunks of the field with their cleats and then damaged the visitors’ locker room. “The way BC reacted to the win was just not a classy thing to do,” defensive tackle Darrell Campbell said. We agree. And it’s almost enough to make us root for the Domers. Almost.
TENNIS TIME: Lina Krasnoroutskaya, Russia, defeated Henrieta Nagyova (3), Slovakia, 7-5 (5), 6-2 in the first round of the Volvo Women’s Open. But we all saw that coming.
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VERY ODD: Real Madrid striker Ronaldo is confident he’ll end his six-game scoreless streak soon. We’re more than a little surprised it lasted six games. He’s a young, good-looking guy playing in Spain (this sentence as published has been corrected in this text). What gives?
RedEye translator: They say it there,
it comes out here . . .
“It has become increasingly apparent that Dusty’s interest in exploring opportunities elsewhere is paramount in his mind.”
–Brian Sabean, Giants GM after contract negotiations with Giants manager Dusty Baker ended.
Translation: “When we realized Dusty actually thought he could win with the Cubs, well, it was obvious he had lost his mind.”