Eppie Lederer, the author of Ann Landers who died Saturday, left behind columns to be published through July 27. Here is one:
Dear Ann Landers: I am a 17-year-old girl. My parents have been married for 25 years. I think my father is having an affair with a co-worker.
I found a photograph of this woman in Dad’s desk drawer. Also, he comes home from work a lot later than he used to. He drove this woman to the airport last week, then called to say her flight was delayed and he wouldn’t get home until morning. Her phone number always shows up on our phone bill, and the conversations last a long time. Sometimes he goes into the garage to make phone calls, and I’m pretty sure he’s talking to her. On our family vacation, this woman “coincidentally” showed up in the same small resort town.
My mother is aware of all these things, and I know she suspects something, but she won’t confront him. Should I expose the truth and ask him about the affair? Should I look for more evidence? Please help me, Ann. I’m scared to death that my parents will get divorced. — California Girl
Dear California Girl: If your mother is aware of your father’s behavior, I hope you will stay out of it for her sake. She obviously is not ready to deal with the possibility that he is cheating. I urge you to be supportive of her decision, whatever it is. If the situation deteriorates, encourage her to seek counseling.
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Dear Ann Landers: My 28-year-old cousin, “Annie,” is going to be married next month. Annie was married once before to a useless, lazy good-for-nothing who cheated on her. Annie’s father is convinced that this marriage will be no better than the last one, and he refuses to be a part of it. He won’t walk her down the aisle, nor will he attend the wedding.
Annie has asked my father (her uncle) to give her away in marriage. My father is honored by the request, but doesn’t want to stir up a hornet’s nest with his brother. I think he’ll do it, though, for Annie’s sake.
I am bitter that Annie is asking my father to do this when he hasn’t yet walked his own daughters down the aisle. Why should she be the first one to give him this honor? If Dad decides to do it, I will accept his decision, but it will take me a long time to forgive her for asking. What should he do? — Not a Bride in Virginia
Dear Virginia: It’s a shame your cousin’s father is so punitive that he will not attend his daughter’s wedding, but please don’t add to her pain. Be happy that your father can do this favor for her. Believe me, it takes nothing away from you. When he walks you down the aisle, it will be as a father, not a surrogate. And everyone will know it.
Dear Ann Landers: I read the letter from “Memphis, Tenn.,” whose husband, “Eddie,” insisted on combing his thin hair over the bald spot. Twenty years ago, I did the same thing. Every morning, I carefully placed each strand of hair where it would cover the most bare space. I thought it looked just fine.
One day, someone caught me on videotape, and I saw for the first time how my hair looked from the sides and back. That cured me. I immediately combed my hair straight back and scheduled a haircut for the next day. Someone ought to videotape Eddie so he can see what he really looks like. — Another Eddie in Washington, D.C.
Dear D.C.: What a good idea! And the videographer should also get a few pictures of Eddie from the top. Most balding men believe their comb-overs do the trick and would be upset to realize what people really see. If, after viewing themselves from all angles, they still want the comb-over — fine. Some things aren’t worth fighting about.
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Feeling pressured to have sex? How well-informed are you? Write for Ann Landers’ booklet “Sex and the Teenager.” Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.