Eppie Lederer, the author of Ann Landers, who died Saturday, left behind columns to be published through July 27. Here is one:
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Dear Ann Landers: I have been dating “Rick” for three years. We moved in together last year. Rick was my high school sweetheart. I am planning to move out soon because I realize we have both grown and changed since high school.
Several weeks ago, Rick introduced me to a single friend of his, “Tony.” We all work at the same place, and I have gotten to know Tony very well. We have a lot in common, and he is extremely attractive. I think we could be great together.
Here’s the problem: I started to send Tony e-mail letters signed “From a Secret Admirer.” He told me how excited he was about the letters and was curious who the woman was. I continued teasing him for a while and then stopped. I don’t want Tony to know I am interested in him until I have broken off my relationship with Rick.
Now I’m afraid that Tony will think less of me because of the e-mails and won’t date me because he is Rick’s friend. He might reject me, and worse, he might tell Rick or my co-workers about it. Should I pursue him anyway? What do you think, Ann?
— Confused in the Midwest
Dear Midwest: If you are planning to break up with Rick, I suggest you do it sooner rather than later. There is no reason to keep the guy hanging on when you are no longer interested. Wait at least two months before you tell Tony that you are his secret admirer. He needs to see you as a single, available woman. If he rejects you, at least you tried. If he tells everyone else about your e-mails, he’s a skunk, and you are better off without him.
Dear Ann Landers: You recently printed a letter from my husband. It was signed “New York Blues.” He said his wife refused tickets to the opera “Carmen” because they were an anniversary gift from her father-in-law, whom she dislikes.
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We have been married 32 years, and he knows I do not care for opera. I suggested other activities we both would enjoy, but he wasn’t interested. I decided to compromise and go to the opera after all. The weekend turned out to be lovely.
The opera was a lot longer than I would have liked, but the music was pretty, and I admire the work involved.
My father-in-law is a difficult man who likes to be in control, and I am not fond of him. He doesn’t like me either, and criticizes my children to the point that they no longer have any relationship with him. I figure it is his loss.
I went to the opera to please my husband, but I cannot promise I will do it again. Thanks, Ann, for letting me have my say.
— Upstate New York
Dear Upstate: I was surprised by the number of readers that responded to your husband’s letter. Several believed your father-in-law gave him that gift in order to stir up trouble. Others were worried about those opera tickets and offered to go in your place. One woman said it sounded a lot better than your husband saying, “Honey, I know I forgot our anniversary, so I rented `The Godfather,’ and we’ll have buttered popcorn.”
I’m glad you decided to attend the opera after all, knowing how much it meant to your husband. My readers will be pleased to know the tickets did not go to waste.
Too bad your father-in-law is so difficult, but after 32 years, I would hope you have worked out the necessary compromises. Thanks for telling us the rest of the story.
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“How We Met” is a collection of sentimental love stories. For a copy, please send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $5.50 (this includes postage and handling) to: How We Met, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562.