Dear Ann Landers: Nearly 12 years ago, I was pregnant and in the process of getting a divorce. At that time, I met “Johnny,” a wonderful guy. The problem was, Johnny wanted our relationship to be serious immediately and I was not ready for a commitment. I made promises I could not keep and broke his heart. Two years ago, I saw Johnny, and we fell in love all over again. He said he has forgiven me and trusts me, and we are planning a future together. Unfortunately, Johnny still seems angry. Any time we disagree, he becomes critical and verbally abusive. He loaned me money for my business and holds it over my head. He tells me I will never be able to maintain my end of this relationship financially. This is not true. I have run my own business for six years and never had a problem until the economy tanked.
Is there any way I can make Johnny trust me again? I don’t want to risk another failed marriage. It would be hard on my daughter and a disaster for me. What should I do?
— Regretful in South Carolina
Dear Regretful: Don’t be in such a hurry to marry Johnny. No matter what he says, he has not forgiven you. His attitude is overly critical and emotionally unhealthy for you and your daughter. Before making any decisions, insist that Johnny go with you for pre-marital counseling. If he refuses, it means he is not interested in improving the situation and you would be better off without him.
Dear Ann Landers: Three months ago, my husband and I were named as godparents for a friend’s child. Yesterday, the mother called me and asked when we were going to set up a savings account for the baby. I have never heard of such a thing. Are we supposed to set up an account for the child?
— Confused in New York
Dear N.Y.: Not unless you have an overwhelming desire to do so. Being named a godparent means you are responsible for the child’s religious upbringing and should take an active interest in his or her life. Bank accounts are not required.
Dear Ann Landers: Thank you for printing that column about the college student who was drugged and date-raped. The most important suggestion was that friends keep an eye on one another and escort someone home if need be.
When I was in college a few years ago, my sorority had a formal “buddy system” for checking on one another at parties. We were not allowed to attend a party alone, and at each event, one of us was the designated “Sober Sister” and was not permitted to drink. This sister checked on the rest of us every half-hour to be sure we were OK. If the “Sober Sister” told us we’d had enough to drink, we were honor-bound to listen. When a sorority member was ready to leave the party, we had to do three things: Find another sorority sister to walk us home, tell at least two others that we were leaving and with whom, and make sure we do not leave a sister at the party alone.
I thought the buddy system was terrific. It kept us out of trouble and allowed us to respect ourselves in the morning. Since then, my girlfriends and I have adopted the system when we go bar-hopping. We always go in groups, one of us remains sober, and we escort home anyone who seems drunk. It is a lot easier to have fun when you can relax knowing someone will bring you home safely. Please tell other women to consider it.
— Sorority Girl Forever
Dear Sorority Girl: Those are wonderful suggestions. I hope all my female readers will take note.
———-
When planning a wedding, who pays for what? Who stands where? “The Ann Landers Guide for Brides” has all the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Brides, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.).