Dave Barry

The problem with winter sports is that-follow me closely here-they generally take place in winter. Winter is both cold AND slippery, which means that if you engage in a typical...

Like most people, you probably often ask yourself: "What, exactly, are my legal rights if I am wearing a bunny outfit?" The answer, you will be relieved to learn, is:...

It wasn't such a bad year. Really. Some good things did happen. For example, a whole bunch of Historic Mideast Peace Accords got signed. I don't have the exact numbers,...

There's nothing wrong with discussing sex, as long as it's done in a mature and tasteful fashion without resorting to words such as "bazongas." Sex is a normal, healthy biological...

Here's what I want you to do: Open your mouth wide. Now take your index finger and stick it WAAAYYYY down your throat and hold it there until your digestive...

It's late October, and I'm watching my son play football. Well, OK, he's not technically PLAYING. He's on the sidelines, No. 85, standing near the coach, looking alert, hoping the...

If you're one of the millions of Americans who are afraid to walk the streets because of crime, you will be pleased to learn that federal law-enforcement authorities have finally...

I was at an airport, reading a newspaper, when the World's Three Most Boring People sat down next to me and started talking as loud as they could without amplifiers....

Here in the newspaper industry (official motto: "For Official Motto, Please Turn To Section F, Page 37") we are seriously worried. Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's...

Recently I got a very nice computer-generated letter from an outfit called The National Library of Poetry. "Dear Dave," the letter begins. "Over the past year or so we have...