Dave Barry

There is a simple explanation for why I wound up dangling from a rope 75 feet in the air over a beaver dam somewhere in Idaho: I was a house...

Pay attention, voters, because we are approaching Election Day, the day when you, in a glorious affirmation of the democratic process, will exercise your precious constitutional right to elect some...

I am not one to drop names, but I was recently invited to a private luncheon with Hillary Rodham Clinton, First Lady of the Whole Entire United States. This is...

Could opera, in sufficient dosages, be fatal to human beings? I really didn't want to get into another fight with the classical-music people. A while back I wrote a column...

Women often ask, "What do men REALLY want, deep in their souls?" The best answer-based on in-depth analysis of the complex and subtle interplay of thought, instinct and emotion that...

Back in 1954, when the Russians were evil and I was a first-grader at Wampus Elementary School in Armonk, N.Y., the school authorities regularly conducted emergency drills wherein we students...

Today's topic is: Practical dog ownership. Millions of Americans own dogs, because they are good-natured, simple and easily amused. I am referring here to the Americans. The dogs are not...

NOTE FROM THE LEGAL DEPARTMENT: The activities described in this column are dangerous and stupid and possibly illegal and should be performed only by trained humor professionals who are good...

Gather 'round, young people, because it's back-to-school time, and Uncle Dave wants to give you some important advice to help you excel in the classroom and have successful, rewarding careers,...

Guess what: Americans are too fat. This fact was discovered recently by a panel of concerned experts and reported extensively in the news media as if it were a shocking...