Our federal government has been the butt of jokes for a while. Turns out, though, the entrenched bureaucrats can’t take a joke.
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That’s the message coming from the Federal Highway Administration which the other day announced an upcoming ban on those sometimes-campy bulletins on electronic signs above or along the nation’s interstate highways and expressways.
States are being given until 2026 to stop being funny and punny with their alerts to motorists.
Area drivers are well aware of what transportation officials call variable message signs, which display warnings and notices to drivers.
They can be found on Route 41 in Lake County, over lanes on the Tri-State Tollway and Chicago expressways. The signs are a way of communicating with motorists about an array of driving challenges, including crash delays and weather conditions.
For some drivers, they are a welcome break to the monotony of a long, boring drive. The one on Interstate 57, from Manteno south through Urbana-Champaign to Downstate Effingham, comes to mind. A few chuckles are needed on that trip, which is just as bad heading north from Effingham.
Illinois has an estimated hundred or so VMS on major highways across the state. The notices, controlled by someone behind the curtains at the Illinois Department of Transportation akin to the Great Oz, usually tell of road conditions, traffic bottlenecks or delays ahead on the highway.
They’re used for Amber Alerts, which issue information of missing children; or Silver Alerts, which tell of missing senior citizens suffering from dementia issues. It’s a helpful notification system for those in danger.
You’ve seen the “Click it or ticket,” “Don’t text and drive,” “Drive sober or get pulled over” or “Stay alive, don’t drive high,” digital notices with orange letters on black backgrounds. Sometimes, they can be a bit humorous. Traffic can be a drag, after awhile.
One of the IDOT jesters came up with one a few years ago which played on an iconic Star Wars character: “Han says solo down. Obey speed limits.” Ones like that stick like glue.
The Associated Press offered other examples of electronic highway messages, such as one in Massachusetts spelled with a regional dialect: “Use Yah Blinkah.” And this one from Arizona, which has about 300 of the high-tech bulletin boards: “Hands on the wheel, not your meal.”
According to the AP, Arizona is one state which solicits drivers to submit ideas for creative messages. The state’s DOT received more than 3,700 entries last year with one of the winners being: “I’m just a sign asking drivers to use turn signals.”
Those types of quips on the VMS boards will be verboten in the near future, federal highway spoilsports have determined. There’s even an 1,100-page rule book spelling out the new federal guidelines, the AP says.
Imagine the cost of developing, researching, writing and printing, such a manual for distribution to 50 state highway departments, and perhaps to district and county DOTs. A bit of that federal lucre could be used to help plug holes at the Southern Border … or on our roads.
The Federal Highway Administration, a branch of the U.S. Department of Transportation, is a relatively young national bureaucracy founded in 1966. It is overseen in the administration of President Joe Biden by Secretary Pete Buttigieg. For some strange reason, I thought the Hoosier Buttigieg had a droll sense of humor.
Apparently not, because he certainly must have signed off on what some state officials are claiming is another federal intrusion into their bailiwick. Others say controlling what can be placed on VMS signs is the least of the national government’s problems.
Yet, federal highway officials contend some messages have been obscure, and have confused and distracted drivers. Another issue could be comedic signs attract drivers to block traffic or lose control behind the wheel by taking photos of them.
The new rules will make certain that messages must be, “simple, direct, brief, legible and clear,” according to the AP. That sounds like a formula for dry and stale highway bulletins in the coming years.
Which proves government anti-funsters continue to eschew frivolity for a sense of duty unneeded on the road of life, or concrete.
Charles Selle is a former News-Sun reporter, political editor and editor.
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