Q. I have a brother who simply cannot sit still on a Zoom call. While my other family members and I are in relaxed positions seated by our respective laptops, he traipses — phone in his hand — on whiplash-inducing walks through his home. First the garage; then the den. Off to the fridge; then the front lawn. We want him on the calls, but we don’t want agita. Is there a way for me to ask him to take a seat without alienating him?
A. Try a bit of humor first. As in: “Phil, I’m getting dizzy watching you run around your house. Could you sit down for a little bit?” If that doesn’t do the trick, perhaps he could be persuaded to join these calls with audio only until he can be fully present. If he spurns that suggestion, remember the holidays are coming. Membership to a yoga studio could make a great stocking stuffer to help counter that nervous energy. If all else fails, buy him a Steadicam.
Q. I have a dear friend who loves to host dinner parties but who never recycles. The aluminum cans, the wine bottles and the tin warming trays go right into the trash. I’ve inquired if there’s a way we can recycle the items rather than toss them, but she always replies that it’s “just too much bother.” Should I drop this crusade or continue to pursue it?
A. As someone who treats green living as a guiding principle, I understand full well the pangs you’ve experienced after watching her slam dunk metals and glass into the trash right along with the uneaten mahi-mahi and remnants of Crêpes Suzette.
As an island of plastic double the size of Texas transits the Pacific Ocean, how is it that some in our citizenry still do not appreciate the reasons for diverting quality recyclables from the trash?
If your host’s municipality does indeed have a collection program, offer to do the sorting for her. (Much in the way you might assist with clearing the table or drying the dishes.) If her town doesn’t recycle and yours does, would she entertain your bringing a box to transport the recyclables home with you?
If she balks at these suggestions or takes offense, you’ll have little choice but to back off. Much as you may disagree with her laissez-faire attitude about doing one’s part for the environment, you are in her home. If nothing else, on those occasions when you are contributing side dishes to the meal, be sure to bring them in nondisposable serving ware such as a ceramic platter or glass plate. At least they won’t land in the trash — one would hope.
Mister Manners, Thomas P. Farley, is a nationally regarded expert who appears regularly in the media to discuss modern-day etiquette dilemmas. To be featured here, send your questions to [email protected] and follow Thomas on Facebook, Twitter, Clubhouse and Instagram. For more insights, subscribe to his podcast, “What Manners Most.”
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