If I’m in a park or public place, is there a reasonable time limit for watching a stranger’s belongings once I’ve accepted their request to do so?
I’ve been on both sides of the “Could you just watch my stuff for a minute?” question and will say this: Don’t agree to safeguard if you need to make an imminent getaway yourself. Even if you are in no rush, start the clock by responding: “Sure, I’ll be here for the next 15 minutes or so. Do you think you’ll be longer than that?” If they’ve accepted your terms and then go missing for well more time than you offered, see if you can spot them in the vicinity and alert them you need to depart. If they are nowhere to be found, deputize a trustworthy-seeming person nearby. If there is no one in the vicinity who can assume the duty and you truly must clear out, assure yourself you have fulfilled your promise. This long-absent stranger will now have to rely on the goodness of passersby to simply let their belongings be.
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I work in a government office and have a female supervisor who continually micromanages everyone. She listens to our phone conversations and makes comments in front of other employees. How do I approach her in this matter?
Let’s start by agreeing that your supervisor’s gender is not a material fact in this dilemma. Being under the microscope of any hovering boss is no fun, particularly when we’ve given the head honcho no reason whatsoever to doubt our ability to do a job without such scrupulous and presumably unwarranted oversight.
Drop her an email letting her know you have a matter to discuss, asking for a convenient time for the two of you review it. To kick off the meeting, focus first on the positives — presuming there are at least a few — about working for her. From there, ease into the subject of the micromanaging and eavesdropping, though perhaps choosing different verbiage, language that will not put her on the defensive. I suggest something as follows:
“As you know, I’ve worked here for x number of years and believe I’m proficient at what I do. With that said, lately I’ve been feeling challenged by the comments you’ve made about me in front of the staff. I’m also feeling a little crowded by the frequent check-ins to be sure I’m doing my job. It makes me wonder whether you still have faith in my ability to handle my role. Is there something I’ve done to bring this on?”
If she replies in the affirmative, it will be up to you to ponder her response and make any adjustments you and she deem necessary. If she offers nothing that requires correcting, follow up with: “Since there doesn’t seem to be anything you need me to change, in the future, what can I do to reassure you I’m doing my job to the standard you expect?
I would follow up the conversation with an email thanking her for her time and recapping any agreed-upon next steps. Should the issue persist — though, with any luck, this will take care of it — you will have a written record to share with human resources.
Mister Manners, Thomas P. Farley, is a nationally regarded expert who appears regularly in the media to discuss modern-day etiquette dilemmas. To be featured here, send your questions to [email protected] and follow Thomas on Facebook, Twitter, Clubhouse and Instagram. For more insights, subscribe to his podcast, “What Manners Most.”
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