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player ready...After finishing high school last June, my grandson took a year off, spending the pandemic doing not much but playing video games. He’ll be starting college this fall, and I’d like to give him a monetary gift. Unfortunately, I’m concerned he’ll spend the cash on something wasteful. Would it be improper of me to stipulate how the money can be used?
If you gave your grandson a sweater, would you insist he not wear it on Tuesdays? If you gave him a harmonica, would you make him promise never to play Maroon 5? Your gift is not a bequest and should come with zero strings. Once he opens the envelope, how he uses the money is up to him, not you.
With that in mind, if you can’t shake the feeling he will splurge his graduation windfall on something you deem unredeeming, perhaps cash is not your best option. There are myriad less risky ways to convey your congratulations.
If the two of you share a common interest, consider gifting him an experience you can both enjoy together, such as a special dinner, a sporting event or a night at the theater. Alternatively, if your tastes are too divergent, how about giving him a budget and going online shopping together for some of the items he’ll need for the fall semester?
Just don’t flinch if he insists his college experience will be incomplete without a VR headset.
I’m back at the gym after nearly 15 months away and — considering we’re still in the middle of a pandemic — am shocked by how inconsiderate some of my fellow members are. Not wiping down equipment and leaving used towels on benches are just a couple of the things I’ve witnessed. Should I be speaking up?
Your observation is proof positive that change does not come easy — especially when it comes to bad habits that were de rigueur well before the world had ever heard of COVID-19. And yet, sloppy practices such as these are rightly viewed through a new lens as we reflect on the health crisis that still has the world in its grip. These actions are not only lazy, they are unsanitary, and you’d be hard pressed to find a bench-pressing hardbody with a valid excuse for not knowing better.
Nonetheless, I don’t recommend you self-anoint as the gym police. In a setting designed to spike endorphins, tempers can spike easily too. Share your concerns with a staff member, and if the situation persists, escalate your complaint to the club manager. Until then, keep the sanitizer handy and your own gym hygiene habits unassailable.
Mister Manners, Thomas P. Farley, is a nationally regarded expert who appears regularly in the media to discuss modern-day etiquette dilemmas. To be featured here, send your questions to [email protected] or via Facebook, Twitter, Clubhouse or Instagram to @MisterManners. For more insights, subscribe to his podcast, “What Manners Most.”
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