Q: I’m appalled about the storming of the United States Capitol. Just when I thought things might settle down. I’m finding it tough to focus on being productive while literal storms rage around me. How do you suggest your clients manage at work during such unstable times?
A: I recommend to clients that they see the beauty during the storm. One of the definitions of “beauty” is the best feature or advantage of something. During storms the process is rugged but the wake of a storm brings a new world.
The destructive power and losses of storm are obvious. But the benefit is a reshaped landscape. The two forces of destruction and creation always balance as we make progress.
After a blizzard at night a new day brings sunshine and a carpet of diamonds transforming an ordinary landscape. Hunker down during the blizzard but don’t lose sight of the beauty coming in the morning.
Many of my clients are tempted to join this storm. I remind them of the advice of Carl Jung, the father of depth psychology. Jung warned if we do not individually deal with our internal shadow we will project it on others and destroy each other.
Our shadow contains aspects of ourselves that we don’t know. The shadow contains both angelic and demonic aspects of humanity. We may be unaware of our own insecurity, rage or cruelty. We may also not see how exceptionally kind we can be.
The hardest work you’ll ever do is looking in the mirror. If you commit to this rigorous introspection find a teacher. Keep in mind your unconscious is well … unconscious and hard for you to see. Seeing our shadow is like trying to see our blind spots when in our car. A competent teacher will see your shadow immediately and guide you to integrate these aspects.
Several clients this year have admitted they’d like to throttle members of government. When asked why they said, “I hate these people because they are doing bad things to others because they are unconscious.” When I pointed out to my clients that my clients wanted to do bad things to others as well my clients could see they were projecting their own weakness onto others.
I never worry about people that admit their rage, or projection of weakness onto others. It can feel embarrassing that we have much in common with those we hate. Then we can move from hatred to understanding and effective action. I do worry about the actions of those that hate with no idea the enemy they want to destroy resides within their own psyche.
I believe we’re ready to grow up, ready to storm our differences into an inclusive, kinder, higher-functioning society. I predict 2021 will be the, “Year of the Storm.” I hope that as we storm we all reflect on our own shadow before we hate. Then we can chose understanding over judgment. If we each take responsibility for our shadow then the beauty in this storm will be a better world we can all enjoy.
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The last word(s)
Q: I’m going crazy balancing work and my kids’ remote learning. I’m not doing either job well. Is there a strategy for not losing my sanity while doing these two jobs?
A: Yes, give up your perfectionism and realize you don’t have to do it all right now. Both work and your kids’ schooling will suffer and the future will give you time to catch up.
Daneen Skube, Ph.D., executive coach, trainer, therapist and speaker, also appears as the FOX Channel’s “Workplace Guru” each Monday morning. She’s the author of “Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything” (Hay House, 2006). You can contact Dr. Skube at www.interpersonaledge.com or 1420 NW Gilman Blvd., #2845, Issaquah, WA 98027. Sorry, no personal replies.
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