As you fight traffic to get to work each morning, it can be comforting to imagine being retired to a life where you don’t have to get out of bed and have an obligation-free calendar.
But planning to “do nothing” in retirement is not the best idea according to retirees like Jim Young and others. The Aurora resident was presented with an attractive package to retire early at 58.
“I saw it as a chance to return to art. I used to paint in high school and college but art got put on a back burner when I started my career and family,” says Young.
He also thought about sharing the expertise he had gained from working in information technology by teaching a college class. He tried teaching but didn’t connect well with it. However, he has pursued art and is happily selling his pieces at summer art shows.
“I enjoy the art most of all but I am always open to trying other things,” says Young who has enjoyed retirement. By striving to define retired life, Young has rekindled old passion and found new interests.
A major milestone
Young managed to make retirement a new beginning rather than just an ending to a career.
“Retirement is a major milestone in life and comes with a lot of emotions,” says Dr. Aimee Harris-Newon, a licensed clinical psychologist with a post-graduate concentration on functional health and wellness. She is the leader of Dr. Aimee and Associates, a center for integrative health and wellness in Bloomingdale where a multi-specialty staff offers both holistic and traditional medicine. “Just like buying a home, starting a family or sending your children off to college, retirement is a time of transition in life.”
Many people plan for retirement by saving money but not everyone takes the time to define what retirement will be. Each person’s definition of retirement is so different that it is important to start a journal of retirement goals. “Focus on ideas, and be as specific as you can,” suggests AARP. So instead of listing “travel,” write down “hike the Appalachian Trail” or “bike through Italy.” Consider the many challenges of retirement and add items to address each area.
Finding an identity
“Retirement comes with a lot of losses,” says Harris-Newon. Although you may feel like you gain a lot when you don’t have to head to work each day, there is a loss of a job title, a routine and colleagues. It is time to go from being the “vice-president of finance” to something completely different.
“Men have a harder time with this because they tend to be solely focused on work while women tend to have multifaceted interests,” says Harris-Newon. “Most men’s social networks also revolve around work so they feel a loss.”
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Thinking about a new identity before retirement allows time to network, gain skills and do what is necessary to take on the new role. Taking the time to establish relationships before retirement will lessen the impact of the loss of the old identity since there is a new identity ready to explore, notes Harris-Newon.
Establishing a purpose
Harris-Newon says there is often a “honeymoon period for about a year after retirement” where fun and leisure is fulfilling. But at some point, “it is important to find a purpose and meaning to your life.” Taking an enjoyable part-time job, serving as a mentor, tutoring students, volunteering or starting a hobby are just some of the ways to provide a reason for getting out of bed every day.
“Find a way to bring your values and talents into the arena. People want to be needed. When there is no sense of purpose in life, depression, anxiety and health issues can develop,” says Harris-Newon.
Spouse connection
As you make the list of retirement plans, it is crucial to include your spouse.
“Men and women have very different ideas about retirement even if they have been married for years,” notes Harris-Newon. “The divorce rate for people 55 and older is outpacing the divorce rate for the general population. There are many issues including the timing of retirement. Only about 20 percent of couples retire at the same time and 40 percent of couples disagree about what should happen in retirement. Most commonly, men expect their wives to become a playmate and still take care of the domestic work. Women expect men to take on some of those domestic chores.”
When presumptions clash, problems begin.
Other relationships can complicate retirement plans, says Harris-Newon. Expectations for caring for aging parents, needy siblings or grandchildren have to be discussed in detail. If the wife’s idea of travel is going to see the grandkids and the husband’s travel plans involve an African safari, there will need to be compromise. A major decision for many couples is whether to move aging parents closer to be able to address their needs. Talking about these relationships openly before making other plans is important.
Finally, couples need to talk about their own relationship. “Most couples will spend more time together in retirement than they have ever before in their married lives. It is important that they can have separate interests as well as shared interests.” says Harris-Newon. “They should be interdependent — not co-dependent.”
Harris-Newon says that she sees many couples struggle during retirement because they haven’t talked about identity, purpose, and plans. Discussions about mundane things like who makes dinner as well as plans about where to travel need to take place and compromises need to be made. This year, travel might be to see the grandkids but next year, there can be the cruise in Hawaii.
“I advise clients to ward off conflict and depression by talking before they retire about what is going to happen. Once the conversations start, retirement can be a beautiful time together.”