“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” — Anonymous
Garrard McClendon somehow found the serenity needed to forgive the killers of his parents.
He didn’t do it after months of emotional turmoil, years of soul searching, or a seven-step grieving process, as what happens with many loved ones of homicide victims.
McClendon forgave Reo Thompson and Gregory Brooks within an hour after learning the two teenagers shot and killed his parents during a robbery in the couple’s home. He did so without knowing their names or ages or race.
“Although the initial news felt like a punch to my gut, and I had no idea who the killers were, I decided right there to forgive them,” he told me after his parents’ funerals.
On Oct. 19, 2009, the two young men got only $50 in cash and jewelry worth $70 before tying up Milton and Ruby McClendon, shooting them multiple times, and dumping their bodies in Wentworth Woods Forest Preserve near Calumet City, Ill., police said. The couple had just celebrated their 54th wedding anniversary.
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The couple’s 1997 Cadillac Eldorado was found parked on the Dan Ryan Expressway, the same highway where their gut-punched son experienced his faith-inspired epiphany of forgiveness. He was driving from a Chicago TV station to his parents’ Hammond home.
McClendon would later forgive the teens to their face at their sentencing hearing. They each received 120-year prison sentences, meaning they will serve 60 years.
“Their release dates are in 2071,” McClendon said.
McClendon released both men from the psychological shackles of his own anger and grief even before his parents’ eulogies, a gesture I’ve always admired in him. And one I doubt I could accomplish under similar circumstances.
“You’ve first got to breathe, man,” said McClendon, who’s 51. “You need to have an open heart and an open mind. If you don’t forgive, you can’t go on to live a productive life.”
He’s speaking from personal, and painful, experience.
Eight years after losing his parents, McClendon is now working on a documentary film, “Forgiving Cain,” to explore the elusive gesture of forgiveness and the healing it provides. Currently in production, the film will explore ways to end violence while highlighting the “forgiveness of murder” from 22 families that endured similar tragedies.
“This project has been in my head for about five years,” said McClendon, who first wanted to receive approval from his two older brothers and his family. “In my parents’ home, we had faith instilled in us at a young age. Forgiveness came with that.”
The film explores questions that all of us grapple with, and that too many people in our country have had to ask themselves. Such as “What is the purpose of forgiveness?” “What is the definition of forgiveness?” “What are three things you can do to end murder in the United States?”
And the most difficult one, “Can you forgive a murderer?”
I’ve interviewed surviving loved ones of homicide victims who have not, and still cannot, forgive the killer of their murdered family member. Yes, they understand it would aid their healing. No, they don’t know how to reach that divine destination.
“Many people of faith still can’t find forgiveness in these difficult circumstances,” McClendon said. “It often takes hundreds of conversations with close family members, and also some sort of religious epiphany to find forgiveness. It’s a process.”
Because of his higher profile through his TV talk shows, McClendon’s personal mourning became a public testimony how to handle such a tragic situation. Thousands of fans, friends, and viewers, including me, couldn’t help but admire his family’s grace in the aftermath of his parent’s brutal deaths.
Milton and Ruby McClendon were longtime residents of Hammond, where Garrard was raised. Milton worked as a postal worker, among other jobs, and Ruby was an office receptionist. The couple served as longtime members of the NAACP as well as anchors in their community. They attended St. Paul Episcopal Church in Munster, where their funerals were held.
“Through this film, we invite the public to imagine a world without violence and where forgiveness is the norm,” said McClendon, a former Merrillville resident who now lives in Chicago, closer to Chicago State University where he’s an associate professor. “It’s time to tell these stories.”
The film interviews 22 families from across the country who’ve lost a loved one to gun violence, including from Gary, Hammond and Tinley Park, Ill. About 95 percent of these families have forgiven the killer of their loved one.
“For most families, it comes long after the murder, sometimes 10 years after,” said McClendon, who’s been tracking homicide statistics in Chicago for the last seven years.
The McClendon family is seeking financial support to complete the film, for production, post-production costs, news video rights, film festival entry fees, travel expenses, project website, insurance, and equipment rentals.
The public is invited to contribute through tax-deductible donations that can be made at www.forgivingcain.com.
“We’re doing this labor of love for my parents,” he said. “They wouldn’t want anything less.”
Watch a video of Garrard McClendon in his own words at http://filmmakerscollab.org/films/forgiving-cain/.
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