Two of the most famous names associated with New York City apartment buildings have been in the news lately, and they combine to provide a teachable moment about bullying.
Kitty Genovese was killed outside her Queens apartment in 1964, while neighbors reportedly heard screams though did not come to her aid or phone police. Her murderer recently died
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, recalling her death and the shadow cast by the moral consequences of inaction. Donald Trump’s persistent bullying has prompted some discussion, though primarily focused on the election season and lost days of political civility.Indeed, it may be more natural to withdraw rather than confront bullying. And so a bad example is set and the cycle continues.
A school counselor in North Carolina recently told me “[W]e have already had several incidents of students repeating what they’ve heard on the news to other students who are minority. The parents argue that if it is said during the presidential election the students should not be punished.”
“The roles of victim, victimizer and bystander vary greater across situations, though certain actions seem broadly recommendable,” observed Stuart W. Twemlow, co-author of “Preventing Bullying and School Violence” and a recognized authority on bullying. “First, fostering opportunities for individuals to experience the perspective of others (‘walk a mile in their shoes’); second, focusing on building bridges and relationships, not relying on rules and directives; and, third, training leaders for the hard work of engaging when bullying occurs.”
The temptation to be a bystander is regrettable. It is incumbent on teachers, clergy, journalists and parents, indeed all adults, to avoid that temptation and, by word and action affirm that the victimizer is unacceptable in any form.
Let’s take these opportunities to be “up-standers” rather than “bystanders”.
Joe Feldman
Board President, Warming House Youth Center
Wilmette