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player ready...Left. Left. Left. Right. At this point in human evolution, swiping “yes” or “no” on dating apps is second nature. And as our relationship needs and wants develop, so do the apps. Enter 3nder (pronounced “thrinder”), a London-based startup dubbed the “Tinder for threesomes.”
Dimo Trifonov, 25, said he and his girlfriend had always wanted to experiment with opening up their relationship to include other people. But when they finally decided to take the leap, their options were limited. That’s where the idea for Trifonov’s brainchild, 3nder, began.
Since its launch in 2014, upward of 1 million people have downloaded the app on iOS.
“The idea of the app was more of a social experiment,” said Trifonov, 3nder’s founder. “How would people react if there was an app for this? I was sure we weren’t the only people who were open to experimenting.”
Chicago users may find matches few and far between as the app continues to gain traction stateside, but for some local couples and singles, it’s a step up from meeting people in bars or the Russian roulette of Craigslist.
Lizzie, 26, and Andrew, 32, who didn’t want their last names used in this article because of the personal nature of the story, are monogamous but use 3nder to add a female partner to their “bedroom fun.” The West Loop couple said they’ve been looking for a third partner for about a year and joined 3nder after the bar scene didn’t prove helpful.
“You don’t sign up for [3nder] not knowing what you’re getting into,” Andrew said.
While strictly looking for a sexual partner, not another person to join their relationship, the two agreed that using 3nder to find a match together made their relationship more open and honest.
“We can share everything,” Lizzie said. “It makes us closer as a couple if [we’re] comfortable enough to just go for it.”
Unlike popular dating apps Tinder and Bumble, many Chicago users said it sometimes takes days or weeks to find a match via 3nder, as the user base is still relatively small. Others said they’ve matched with people hundreds of miles away.
Trifonov expanded the app’s purpose beyond threesomes after the project raised $500,000 from two angel investors, who also used 3nder, according to Trifonov. The app, per 3nderapp.com, now exists to help those seeking love or lust be more honest about their sexual desires and preferences, in addition to simply helping people plan their threesomes.
“We are upfront about what we dig and we want you to be, too,” reads a blog on the app’s website. “… We want to celebrate whatever it is you identify as and get you hooked up with people you’d vibe with.”
For Chicago-based dating coach Eric Chien, 26, 3nder helped him dive into the world of open relationships and polyamory. According to Chien, open relationships rest on permission and boundaries, and he said he wanted to see what really made them work (and, on the flip side, what made them fail).
“Some people like to claim open relationships are an excuse to just [bleep] other women or men,” Chien said. “That’s the wrong way to think of it. It is, in fact, a created experience, where multiple energies are swirling around, making for a very intimate, very fun time.”
Chien, who lives in Wicker Park, has been intimately involved with couples and said he believes 3nder has a unique place in the virtual dating world.
“I think it’s more appealing to those couples that are in relationships who are excited about finding more love,” he said, “whether temporarily or as a vehicle to long-term happiness.”
Whether or not your Valentine’s Day plans involve a threesome, 3nder could be on its way to being the next big dating app. “We met on 3nder” has a nice ring to it, no?
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