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1. What should the Bears give Vikings QB Christian Ponder for his engagement?
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Phil Thompson: A monogrammed cleat to the groin. Thanks, Ndamukong Suh. |
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Tracy Swartz: A bended knee. |
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Shaun Davis: Give him an owner’s manual on how to hand the ball to A.D. |
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Jimmy Greenfield: Candlesticks always make a nice gift, maybe a place-setting or a silverware pattern. |
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Bag Boy: Give him what all NFL QBs are getting: a concussion. |
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Phil Thompson: “Here are the keys, don’t scratch the paint.” |
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Tracy Swartz: “Your winsanity streak comes to an end tonight.” |
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Shaun Davis: “What?! You still can’t find your jumper?” |
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Jimmy Greenfield: “You do realize you’re not being guarded while shooting free throws, right?” |
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Bag Boy: “You are slow and average. You would fit in here.” |
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Phil Thompson: “Welcome, Jeff. I read somwhere that you hate losing. And you came to Chicago?” |
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Tracy Swartz: Sorry, I’m against any Adopt-a-‘Dawg program. |
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Shaun Davis: “Welcome, Kep! Avoid the `can’t get a man in from third with less than two outs’ flu.” |
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Jimmy Greenfield: “You’ll know you’re a South Sider when your signing is trumped by a Theo Epstein bowel movement.” |
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Bag Boy: “I had a bottle of Keppingers once, pre-war. Good stuff.” |
4. What’s with all the Cubs-related hunting injuries?
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Phil Thompson: Well, when your manager looks like Elmer Fudd … |
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Tracy Swartz: Beware during the playoffs. That may be the Cubs’ only “shot” at a World Series. |
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Shaun Davis: LOL. I know all you guys wanted was a shot at the World Series, but that might be as close as you get. |
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Jimmy Greenfield: They should just be glad Cubs fans aren’t very good shots. |
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Bag Boy: I don’t know, but Dick Cheney is set to appear at the Cubs Convention. |
5. NHL players and owners’ lips are sealed these days. What aren’t they telling us?
Tracy Swartz:
Phil Thompson:
Jimmy Greenfield:
Shaun Davis:
Bag Boy:
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Phil Thompson: I don’t know, I wouldn’t be able to hear them anyway over all the not-giving-a-care. |
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Tracy Swartz: Sealed lips are a sign of no talking. |
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Shaun Davis: That Gary Bettman dresses like David Stern in an attempt to bully the union. |
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Jimmy Greenfield: That they’re big fans of the Go-Gos. |
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Bag Boy: That they’re really tired and secretly hoping for half a season. |
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