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1. Lance Briggs just appeared on “Happy Endings.” Who’s the next Bear to get an acting gig?

Marc Silverman: “House Hunters” with Lovie Smith.

Pete McMurray: Jay Cutler, “The Young and the Restless.”

Ernest Wilkins: Phil Emery, in the reboot of “A Very Long Engagement.”

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Elliott Serrano: Jay Cutler will appear in the next Muppet Movie as their newest character, “Grumpy Puss.”

Sarah Spain: Kellen Davis on ABC’s “Wipeout.” No acting required, just falling.

2. Why is Brian Kelly staying at Notre Dame?

Marc Silverman: Do you remember former Eagles coach Rich Kotite? Exactly. That’s why.

Pete McMurray: Because he’d rot in hell if he left (Philly/hell, same thing).

Ernest Wilkins: Because Cleveland can never have anything nice. See: Cleveland.

Elliott Serrano: There’s no impending investigation of his program by the NCAA, so why not?

Sarah Spain: Tough to leave the sun, fun and excitement of South Bend, Ind. Amiright?

3. Five days until the Hawks start the season. How are you preparing?

Marc Silverman: My friend Sammy is helping me design a Blackhawks Pinterest page.

Pete McMurray: I bumped my neighbor, pulled his shirt over his head and punched him in the breadbasket.

Ernest Wilkins: Warming up all my best “dumping” the puck jokes!

Elliott Serrano: Trying to get over my anger at the NHL for making me suffer another lockout. Not there yet.

Sarah Spain: I hired Jim Cornelison to wake me up every morning with a rousing rendition of the national anthem.

4. What does Kirk Hinrich think when he plays against his old team in Atlanta?

Marc Silverman: “Can’t wait to see NeNe and discuss why she’s marrying her ex-husband. That girl is cray.”

Pete McMurray: “I left Hotlanta to play with Derrick Rose. Derrick, where are you? Derrick? Hello? Yello?

Ernest Wilkins: Same thing I would: “Man, do I miss Waffle House.”

Elliott Serrano: Same thing I do whenever I see an ex: “We weren’t THAT bad together, were we?”

Sarah Spain: “I’m playing! I’m playing! I can’t believe I — ahhhhh my hamstring/arm/shoulder/knee.”

5. If Denver ends up hosting a Super Bowl …

Marc Silverman: … when it comes to tailgating, count me out for the Rocky Mountain oysters.

Pete McMurray: … look for Mile High clubs to pop up all over!

Ernest Wilkins: … then that episode of “South Park” will be a must-watch.

Elliott Serrano: … Rahm Emanuel is gonna eat his cigar.

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Sarah Spain: … coaches will need to teach their teams how to defend against the “puff-puff-pass.”