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Brian Moore: I’ve extrapolated data based on the games so far, and I come up with “dinosaur.” Can’t be right. |
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Kate Bernot: Probably as soon as I get tickets. |
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Jane Monzures: When the Cup runneth over … |
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Kat Velez: When Brent Seabrook cuts his hair. Have you seen the mop on his head? Bieber-esque. |
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Ben Johnson: According to the rules of hockey, the Blackhawks lose whenever the other team scores more goals. |
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Brian Moore: Corey Crawford. Yeah, I said it. |
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Kate Bernot: Fans, for settling for approximately 58 percent of a season. |
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Jane Monzures: The Zamboni driver, for all his work during the off season. |
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Kat Velez: Brandon Bollig, if he goes back to Rockford and frees up a spot for someone who can actually play. |
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Ben Johnson: The Hawks got Most Valuable Primate? Hello, Stanley Cup! Man, that monkey can skate! |
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Brian Moore: Jerry Reinsdorf unveils his own $300M, 5-year plan to renovate Wrigley. The man’s ambitious. |
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Kate Bernot: Soxman is a fantastic public speaker. Who knew? |
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Jane Monzures: They’ve hired Lovie Smith. |
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Kat Velez: More people will be in attendance at SoxFest than at Sox games. |
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Ben Johnson: They’re giving Chris Sale pre-emptive Tommy John surgery. Just to get it over with. |
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Brian Moore: … that one NFL game in London is to football: A great way to learn geography. |
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Kate Bernot: … Fosters is to beer. |
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Jane Monzures: … church is to sleep. |
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Kat Velez: … watching European hockey is to hockey — up at weird hours, no one else cares besides yourself. |
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Ben Johnson: … January is to months of the year. |
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Brian Moore: Sorry, it has nothing to do with porn. I learned the hard way. |
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Kate Bernot: Break out your Cheetos, Sublime CDs and Tony Hawk Pro Skater, then party like it’s 1999. |
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Jane Monzures: It’s a good time to take a nap! |
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Kat Velez: I would, if I even knew they were still airing the Winter X Games on TV. |
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Ben Johnson: There are other channels on TV. There’s even such a thing as a book. |