Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

div#content.article h2 {
font-weight: normal;
font-size: 14px;
}

div#social-tools {
display: none;
}

1. What should the Bears look for in their next head coach?

Brian Moore: A mustache, duh.

Matt Pais: Energy. Strength. Honesty. Though I’d settle for someone who actually talks.

Jane Monzures: Dark glasses, mustache, hot temper, smokes cigars.

Kat Velez: Competency. And a good mustache.

Ben Johnson: Five offensive linemen and a defense in its 20s.

2. Why is Derrick Rose so excited about making left turns in practice?

Brian Moore: He’s secretly a big NASCAR fan.

Matt Pais: He’s endorsing a new brand of turn signal. Would you really use some off-brand signal he doesn’t support?

Jane Monzures: Left turns are scary, especially in oncoming traffic.

Kat Velez: He’s preparing for his second career as a NASCAR driver.

Ben Johnson: He’s been rehabbing like crazy so he can start again this year — in NASCAR.

3. Now that Bulls guard Nate Robinson’s contract is guaranteed …

Brian Moore: … his performance will inexplicably plummet.

Matt Pais: … he can start paying me back. The “for what” and “why” is not important.

Jane Monzures: … the Luvabulls can start calling him Nate instead of Mr. Robinson.

Kat Velez: … can those “Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood” Nike commercials make a comeback?

More Top Picks Dji Phantom 3 Standard

Ben Johnson: … 3s will be chucked.

4. What should Northwestern get for winning the Gator Bowl?

Brian Moore: The Bears’ spot in the NFL.

Matt Pais: They won? Congrats. Not interested. The bowl system is stupid.

Jane Monzures: A season’s supply of Gator bites. Tastes just like chicken!

Kat Velez: Another 64-year drought.

Ben Johnson: A one-game playoff with the Jaguars to be Jacksonville’s NFL team.

5. How are you preparing for the NFL playoffs?

Brian Moore: Steeling myself for a sickening amount of feel-good stories about Adrian Peterson and Peyton Manning.

Matt Pais: By actually caring and planning to watch. The operative word is “playoffs.”

Jane Monzures: Just like my team, packing my suitcase and heading home.

Kat Velez: By glaring at my sister, the Colts fan. Yes, I’m bitter!

Ben Johnson: I’ve been reading up on the IMDB pages of all my favorite Taco Bell commercial actors.