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1. If Calvin Johnson is the “LeBron” of football …

Marc Silverman: … we’ll hear him announce “I’m taking my talents to South Haven.”

Pete McMurray: … that means Detroit is the South Beach of the Midwest. God help us all!

Ernest Wilkins: … then Devin Hester is the guy selling hot dogs.

Elliott Serrano: … then I’m a real-life Jedi Knight, which means we both have delusions of grandeur.

Sarah Spain: … then Lions fans had better say goodbye — he’s taking his talents to New England.

2. What’s your New Year’s Day bowl game tradition?

Marc Silverman: The same thing as Illinois coach Tim Beckman. Stay at home, with no team to coach, and dip in my mouth.

Pete McMurray: Eat, drink, bet, repeat.

Ernest Wilkins: Reminding people FSU has been to more Orange Bowls than NIU has been to … anything.

Elliott Serrano: Trying to warm up after taking the Wampa Plunge in Lake Michigan.

Sarah Spain: I usually eat several dozen bowls of food in a hungover haze, does that count?

3. Make a prediction for NIU in the Orange Bowl.

Marc Silverman: When given oranges, make orange juice. NIU by 3.

Pete McMurray: NIU 642, Florida State 0.

Ernest Wilkins: They’ll put up a valiant effort, but COME ON, PEOPLE. Florida. State. University.

Elliott Serrano: All I know is no matter what happens, Ernest isn’t gonna shut up about it afterward.

Sarah Spain: I predict that Jordan Lynch will eat his words.

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4. Why are the Bulls playing so early on New Year’s Eve?

Marc Silverman: Thibs is flying to NYC to coach the ball drop. “Stay up, Seacrest, stay up!”

Pete McMurray: It’ll be 19 straight losses tor the Bobcats. Jordan wants to end the year drinking downtown!

Ernest Wilkins: Because they’re all coming to my New Year’s Eve party! Yes, even Belinelli.

Elliott Serrano: Coach Thibodeau needs time to make his extra-spicy cajun chili for the Bulls NYE party.

Sarah Spain: Gotta be done in time for Joakim Noah’s big bash at Mother’s.

5. Who in Chicago sports most needs a fresh start in 2013?

Marc Silverman: Fresh start in new town: Lovie Smith, Mike Tice, Kirk Hinrich, Alfonso Soriano … (to be continued)

Pete McMurray: Um, let me tell you about the World Series champs of ’07 and ’08. That’s 1907 and 1908, people!

Ernest Wilkins: In order: the entire NHL, the Bears, the Cubs, the White Sox, the Fire.

Elliott Serrano: All Chicago sports fans. Only Cleveland fans have suffered more.

Sarah Spain: The Blackhawks. Actually, just any start at all will do. C’mon, Bettman!