Somewhere, Diane Sawyer is shaking her head.
The interview icon has got to be at least tempted to text one of her former subjects.
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Whitney Houston will be the first guest when “Oprah” resumes Sept. 14., The Associated Press reported Thursday.
“Whatever you do, Whitney,” Sawyer would type in an imagined exchange. “Do not say ‘crack is wack.’ “
Sawyer, of course, will not contact the soul diva, though she really owes her an assist. After all, Sawyer conducted the infamous 2002 interview that exposed Houston to raging ridicule.
Throughout footage still available on YouTube, Houston awkwardly dodged questions, laughed off viable-sounding rumors, and at one point, allowed then-husband (and forever fool) Bobby Brown to invade the interview. Yeah. That’s the ticket. Have Mr. “Humpin’ Around” clear your name.
The resulting segment was so tragic that a subsequent “MADtv” mockery didn’t stray far from the actual transcript.
It would be soul-crushing for Houston to undergo more interview embarrassment and might even dampen excitement for her upcoming album, “I Look to You.” As a fan of her work, I’m kind of scared for her to step on set.
But the good news is this “Oprah” appearance doesn’t have to be another EPIC FAIL. Houston will not have a problem, as long as she takes along this checklist and avoids the following antics:
The rock: During the 2002 interview, Houston kept rocking and leaning a little too close to Sawyer when she disagreed with a question, including one about her ever-shrinking size. Everywoman aura or not, that level of aggression wouldn’t flow with the “O.”
Rhymes: Rev. Jesse Jackson might envy Houston’s snazzy slogan, “crack is wack,” but the statement itself did not come across too convincingly. In fact, that phrase, plus Houston’s outrage that she was rumored to partake of such a “cheap” drug served as ripe fodder for that aforementioned “MADtv” classic.
Question-dodging: Apparently, before her Sawyer interview, Houston studied the way first graders avoid uncomfortable inquiries. Several times, she simply repeated Sawyer’s questions or tried to turn them back on the journalist. “I know you are, but what am I,” does not work unless you’re talking to Larry King.
A Whitney/Bobby reunion: This would be a very Maury move, but there is a remote chance Brown could appear on “Oprah.” Not only did Brown help derail Houston’s image, he is in the running for Deadbeat Dad of the Millennium. Houston’s staff should sweep the green room for any signs of the self-appointed King of R&B before she enters the building. All they’d have to do is follow the trail of arrest warrants.