“Yall don’t hear me!!!! You only live once!!!! Let’s go!!! Imma take you wit me if u wanna come!!! Lol pause!!”
Huh? Bueller? What does it mean?
That’s a tweet from @iamdiddy — as in the real Sean Combs — received and retweeted by 340,000 followers last week. I’m always trying to get celebrities to follow me, because many of them are actually interesting, but sometimes they completely baffle me.
The subject of ghosttweeters has been popular lately, as in people hired by the celebrity or the celebrity’s agent to sound like them. Most stars say it’s actually them doing the typing, but how does one know for sure?
Since the chances of @iamdiddy and other famous folks responding and translating are slim to none, I’ve decided to do my own translations for some other celebritweets and take a stab at whether it’s the celebrity at the keyboard or a convincing ghosttweeter.
How do you think I did? Tweet me, poke me — just tell me. The real me will get back to you.
@officialtila (Tila Tequila)
ORIGINAL TWEET: I’ve been dating crazy psychotic females for the past year non-stop and right now, I’ve just had enough of those girls. Time for an old man
TRANSLATED: That’s a show? That’s a show. Ooooh, bikini sale.
REAL OR GHOST: Real. No one except Tila Tequila could sound this shallow.
@mileycyrus (mileycyrus)
ORIGINAL: i came up with a new tweet – thats “tweet-alicious” i am the ultimate twitter-er. please tweet my twitter ( say that three times fast)
TRANSLATED: OMG!! Don’t blame me. Hannah Montana got all my brains.
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REAL OR GHOST: Ghost. Cyrus is 16. This person sounds 12.
@britneyspears (Britney Spears)
ORIGINAL: I had a nice, restful evening and got a great massage last night. ~Brit
TRANSLATED: Y’all, that was great sex!
REAL OR GHOST: Ghost. Can you see Britney saying “restful”?.
@marthastewart (Martha Stewart)
ORIGINAL: today is beautiful-lots of gardening, planting and all the boxwoods will be limed- they like sweet soil i will fit in a horseback ride also
TRANSLATION: Y’all, that was great sex!
REAL OR GHOST: Real. Only Martha could tweet about horseback riding and come up with “sweet soil.”
@johncmayer (John Mayer)
ORIGINAL: I’m nice enough but I ramble on and on and on and on. And I blink a lot. And hard. Hard blinking, like full face blinking.
TRANSLATED: Jennifer Aniston just unfollowed me. I’d better call her. Or Tweet her. My eyes hurt.
REAL OR GHOST: Real. You can’t fake something so pathetic.