In the beginning, the prospect of sports mixing with politics on television seemed intriguing. All networks are in dire need of programming, even when people who write the cue cards aren’t on strike. Besides, let’s be honest. The sight of Roger Clemens squirming in his silk suit on Capitol Hill and looking for relief from a bullpen that doesn’t exist can be riveting stuff.
But the novelty has worn off. When is it impossible to distinguish between ESPN and C-SPAN? When representatives of the athletic industry schlep to meet with a different group of elected officials every week. Bud Selig might as well have a personal seat license in Washington. If he spends any more time there, he’ll have to start paying tax. Meanwhile, Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) should be a member of AFTRA.
The latest session occurred Wednesday, when commissioners of the four major leagues gathered to discuss steroids before the House Committee on Energy and Commerce Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade and Consumer Protection. I don’t know who came up with that title, but whoever it was must have been paid by the word, with a bonus for using commerce twice.
More Top Picks Best Adjustable Focus Reading Glasses
Besides baseball’s Selig, guests included David Stern of the NBA, Roger Goodell of the NFL and Gary Bettman of the NHL. Each brought along the head of his sport’s players association, and nobody was happier to be there than Bettman, who, given hockey’s place in the pecking order, isn’t accustomed to such TV exposure. When last seen by this many viewers, the NHL was outdoors on New Year’s Day.
But Wednesday’s confab was staged in a venue that is becoming as familiar as Jay Leno’s studio, without all the laughs. Not that there aren’t moments of humor. In a previous show, Rep. Christopher Shays (R-Conn.) compared baseball’s drug situation with the infamous “Blackhawks scandal.” The Blackhawks have had their problems, true, but one thing they didn’t do was throw the 1919 World Series. Then there was Rep. Betty McCollum (D-Minn.), who intoned that every fan who has “boughten” a ticket in the last 20 years has been defrauded.
The star of this recent hearing — and it is called a hearing on the presumption that everybody is listening — was Stern, who had the backbone to suggest, “This is an area where federal legislation is not necessary.” That is, elected officials have more important priorities than what athletes put into their bodies, especially since leagues have enacted stricter policies on performance-enhancers.
Even allowing for flaws in the system because users tend to be a step ahead of inspectors, Stern’s stance is sound. With cameras purring, politicians resolutely lean on the moral ground that they’re doing it for America’s children. They must be protected because they are beholden to their role models.
Fine. But these athletes hurt only themselves. Where is the subcommittee on jocks who abuse girlfriends and spouses? When will there be a congressional task force to determine how many hired hands in the intercollegiate sewer have seen the inside of a library? Why did Vince McMahon, the wrestling magnate, decline to participate Wednesday? Will the pols chase him, or will they accept his regrets? What about Hollywood? All those entertainers on bottled water and oatmeal only? Don’t kids go to movies?
In Chicago, if you can afford to fill your car with gas, the next trick is to avoid a blowout on a crater along one of the highways bearing our governor’s name in giant letters over every toll booth. Congress worries about pot. Do we have to wait for Jose Canseco’s book on potholes?