Through a confluence of news events and a fascinating story in the men’s magazine BestLife, I thought it would be interesting to pop into divorce land for a peek at the goings-on. Too, these things make good teaching points for fathers who want to prepare their sons for one of the uglier sides of adulthood.
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First, there was a bit in Parade magazine about whether Heather Mills, the ex-wife-to-be of Paul McCartney, can expect to get by on the $380 million the British press thinks she may get for all the love and joy she brought to that relationship.
Parade suggests that tens of millions might be more in the ballpark, considering that she didn’t write his music, play his guitar or serve as a Beatle in amassing McCartney’s vast fortune.
Others say, however, that the amazing lack of a prenuptial agreement opens the door to far more money. Though they had been married less than four years, Parade did mention that Mills has a “bargaining chip.” That would be their daughter, 2-year-old Beatrice.
Lesson No. 1: One of the more painful parts of divorce is putting money into the hands of someone you have come to dislike, particularly when there is no guarantee that any of it will go to the child. Responsible parents get over it, but no one ever does anything to fix it.
All the more reason to hope the marriage is for keeps.
On another front, word came this month that actor Alec Baldwin has succeeded in having ex-wife Kim Basinger charged with violating his court-ordered visitation rights involving their 10-year-old daughter.
Basinger could face a $12,000 fine and 60 days in jail if convicted in a Los Angeles court.
I have to think, though, that this threat to Basinger is theoretical, even if she did prevent Baldwin from seeing his daughter. Countless mothers–and probably some fathers–have done the same thing, and I have yet to hear of anyone being jailed for what I would call being an emotional deadbeat–at least not in Illinois.
If I’m wrong, I will be more than happy to say so. Just send me a copy of the court file.
I’m not talking about cases where a child would be in danger, but I would like to know that it’s possible for a parent to be punished for depriving a child of the love of the other parent. After all, receiving love and attention from a parent is as important as receiving money, isn’t it?
More lessons: Don’t assume that you have any rights simply because you are the father.
If you don’t have primary custody of a child–and that is highly likely–you will be expected to make monthly payments that could well exceed your rent or mortgage payment, but that buys no guarantee that you will get to spend time with your child.
The final point: Basinger and Baldwin broke up in 2000–six years ago, and this battle still rages. Once you are married and have a child, you can never really get divorced. Like the vows say: Till death do you part.
And that bright note leads us to this interesting but macabre statistic in the BestLife magazine story: “For every 10 divorced women who take their own lives, 97 divorced men will do the same.”
Gee, I wonder why?
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