Dear Cheryl: I’m 22 years old, and I’ve been going to church for a year now, ever since I saw this girl there. (That’s not the only reason.)
I really like her, but I don’t know how to approach her. She invited me to see her at work, and I accepted. But when we talk, I get scared. I want to ask her on a date, but I’m afraid of rejection. I’ve never had a lot of girlfriends, so I don’t have much experience.
This girl has a daughter, and she gave testimony in church about wanting to find a boyfriend. I can picture us in the future with our kids going to the same church. But it’s just a vision. How do I make it become a reality?
— Scaredy-Cat
Dear Scaredy-Cat: This woman obviously likes you and is obviously looking for a boyfriend. You may never get a sweeter setup!
Next time you see her in church, approach her about some church-related manner. Ask her how she liked the sermon or whether she’s going to the church picnic or if she belongs to a Bible study group. Anything! It doesn’t really matter what you say, as long as you say something. I have a feeling she’ll be easy to talk to and may even lead the conversation.
Then ask her if you could take her and her daughter out for ice cream sometime. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, just a casual invitation.
I think that approaching this particular woman is just one part of your problem. The other is your shyness. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has faced rejection. From the most glamorous actor to the sexiest rock ‘n’ roll star. It’s never fatal. No one has ever died of it. No one likes it, but it’s a fact of life, like visits to the dentist and parking tickets.
I’d like you to go to a library or a bookstore and pick up a couple of books about overcoming shyness. You’re a young man with your whole life ahead of you. Why should you let a treatable condition hold you back? Stay in touch.
Dear Cheryl: I was talking to a friend who had purchased a home (in his name only) and moved into it with his girlfriend. They agreed that she would help out with the bills and other expenses.
Fast-forward a couple of years. They broke up, but she refuses to leave! In fact, he stays away from his own house to avoid her. And, by the way, she doesn’t pay any of the bills. I thought that he was just being soft until another friend told me that he had asked his live-in girlfriend to leave several times and that she also refused. The last time, she pretended to overdose on drugs for sympathy.
This got me wondering: (1) How should you ask/tell your partner to leave? (2) What should you do if they refuse? (3) If the relationship is that bad, why would they want to stay? (4) Is this common or do I just know a couple of losers?
— For Sale By Owner
Dear For Sale By Owner: (1) As nicely as possible. (2) Consult a lawyer. (3) A complete and total lack of self-respect. (4) You know a couple of losers.
Dear Cheryl: It seems the people who write you are always investigating their spouses or special friends. Don’t you have to be rich to afford an investigation?
— Suspicious One
Dear Suspicious One: There’s a lot of information available on the Internet. You can start by Googling someone. Then, if you have access, you can look at their phone records and e-mails. It’s amazing what a suspicious mind with an Internet account and some ingenuity can find.
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Got a problem? Send it to [email protected] or Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, baiduhai, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Please include day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column. Read Tales From the Front Monday, Wednesday and Friday in Tempo.