Ah, celebrity tunesmithing. “Unexpected Dreams” (Rhino, $18.98) is a 14-song CD of Hollywood types, nattering away, lullaby-style, at familiar songs. Some worked with voice coach Eric Vetro, then the brood was turned loose, backed by ensembles of varying sizes, from string sections to jazz combos. Here’s the blow-by-blow:
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– “Summertime” by Scarlett Johansson. A keening, declamatory moan, flat, nasal and painful to listen to.
– “The Sweetest Gift” by Ewan McGregor. A Sade cover, sung — well, talked — by a man who knows his limitations. Not bad.
– “In My Daughter’s Eyes,” by Taraji P. Henson. Overblown, multisyllabic R&B excess. When Henson essays a higher register, run for the hills.
– “My Heart Is So Full of You” by Jennifer Garner. The held notes and emotive demands of this Frank Loesser ballad do Garner’s bland voice no favors.
– “Make You Feel My Love” by Jeremy Irons. Irons couldn’t have a worse voice than this song’s author Bob Dylan, right? He even sounds a little like him. We like it.
– “Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)” by John Stamos. He covers Billy Joel, he tries very hard to sound like Billy Joel, he doesn’t do a bad job. One of the best tracks here.
– “Little Child” by Lucy Lawless. Xena succeeds with a smooth, talking style favored by her crooning celeb cohorts.
– “The Wish Song” by Marissa Janet Winokur. Squeak, squeak, squeak went the celebrity. Click went the track advance button.
– “The Greatest Discovery” by Eric McCormack. Elton John gets his turn in the crosshairs, and McCormack does pretty danged well with this smooth, tuneful reading.
– “No One is Alone” by Victor Garber. This is cheating, having a musical star sing Stephen Sondheim, the music he knows best. But he rocks.
– “Nightshift” by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. If she isn’t singing this song while holding her nose, it sure sounds like she is. Horrific.
– “Golden Slumbers” by Nia Vardalos. “Sleeeep pretty darling, do not cry,” Vardalos yowls, marching her tuneless way through this Lennon/McCartney classic. Lordy!
– “Lullabye in Ragtime” by John C. Reilly. The style is jazzy, the mood is bright and Reilly nails this happy little musical (“The Five Pennies”) number.
– “Good Night” by Teri Hatcher. A second Lennon and McCartney tune gets a flat, adequate reading that is, in context, not horrible.