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player ready...It was pushing midnight. My wife and I had been staining and restaining our new pine floor all day and probably breathing more fumes than most brain cells can tolerate. So we took a break in the kitchen, at the other end of the house, stepping like careful cats to avoid the fresh stain.
Returning to the work area, I saw three apparently nude footprints perfectly impressed on my freshly stained planks. I hollered to my wife, “OK, you want to come and fix this?” assuming it was her fault. I have to say, the prints suggested feet bigger than hers, though still somewhat, I don’t know, dainty.
She came in and immediately denied fault, comparing her socked foot to the size of the naked print just to prove it. The thought filled my head in a rush: My God! Somebody sneaked into the house while we were in the kitchen! I dialed 911; two squads were on the way. Then I grabbed a claw hammer and psyched myself for combat. As I started down the hall to fetch my reproduction viking sword, I had a second thought. Could the footprints be mine? But my feet had socks.
Then I looked at the bottom of the socks. What was that stuff?
Returning to the crime scene, I compared my feet to the, eh, perp’s prints.
I begged my wife to call 911 back. She refused and thought this was all really funny, even though I called only to protect her. I could have taken on that naked woman. But fearing some Inquisition of the Idiot by the SWAT team now speeding toward my home, I had to call. My explanation, however, was a bit non-specific. I told the dispatcher, “We now believe the prints came from our foot.”
The lessons learned: 1. Socked feet can leave perfect nude impressions in stain. 2. I have gorgeous feet.