You’re due Saturday at your second cousin’s second wedding. How selfish is she? Kickoff is at 4 and you have some money riding on the game. So, you need an excuse, right?
Clubs such as The Alibi and Excuse Club online at www.sms.ac help members craft good reasons for missing work, showing up late and missing family parties. Members of the free clubs use their cell phone to text a message explaining their plight to the club’s 1,000 or so club colleagues. A helper replies, and the two start spinning a decent lie.
A solid excuse helped Erik Malone after he missed his girlfriend’s birthday. His girlfriend was living in London, and he said the time difference threw him off. “I texted the club, saying I needed some help,” said Malone, 27, of San Diego. “Someone said they would give her a call and pose as the flower delivery service and say they missed the delivery and would send it later.”
Malone’s helper was a Brit living in London, so no fake accent was needed. His girlfriend bought the story, and Malone was in the clear. “I told her what happened later on. We had a good laugh about it,” he said.
Jake Porter once was an alibi for a man desperate to miss work and go water skiing. “I called the person’s boss as a worker of a garage,” said Porter, 21, of Bend, Ore. “I said he blew a head gasket, he’s going to get his engine replaced, so he can’t make it in today.”
The boss bought it even though Porter said he doesn’t know much about cars. “The boss man didn’t know much either; it wasn’t a difficult sale,” he said.
Not all excuses are as tame. Malone said one member sent a text because she was pregnant by another man and needed a good excuse. “Most people responded it wasn’t a good idea [to lie], she should tell him the truth,” he said.
Other than the baby drama, Malone said the text messages are entertaining. His cell gets about five text “pleas for help” each day. He then sees about 10 responses of people suggesting excuses or alibi ideas.
Think you’ll never need to stoop so low? The Knot.com estimates more weddings happen in autumn (think football) than spring.