Dear Ann Landers: I need help with a highly controversial problem. My husband and I took a firm stand on this issue with our first daughter two years ago, and now, we are facing the same dilemma with our second daughter, who is now 18. They tell us we are “old-fashioned” and say that we should trust them.
I am writing about co-ed sleepovers on prom night. Our daughter attends a Catholic high school in an affluent area. The “in” thing is to check into a motel or hotel and rent rooms for two nights — for unchaperoned co-ed sleepovers. We are shocked that parents see nothing wrong with this and even lend their condos and cottages to their teenagers. This occurs not only for the senior prom but for the junior prom, as well. The kids’ reasoning is that it all hinges on the issue of trust.
My husband and I totally disagree. We feel it is unwise to condone or support this behavior because it places teenagers in a precarious situation that could lead to trouble. Are we right or wrong?
— D.W., Wheaton, Ill.
Dear D.W.: Sleepovers can, without a doubt, tempt inappropriate behavior. Responsible and trustworthy teenagers, however, can manage it. I suggest that you discuss your concerns with your daughter and the parents of your daughter’s friends. While I say it’s better to be a bit too strict than a bit too permissive, be aware that by age 18, her “standards” are set and she will decide on her own how far she wants to go.
Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I own 10 acres of orange grove with a house on the property, 45 miles away from where we live. My husband is 79, and I am 75. He has what neurologists call dementia. I’m told he won’t get any better and may develop Alzheimer’s. He can no longer drive and is unable to take care of our property.
Our son, 34, is adamant that we not sell this piece of land. He says he will no longer speak to us if we do. He also resents that we did a little traveling between 1984 and 1992, and bought a new car. Apparently, he would like us to just sit around and save our money so he will collect a sizable inheritance when we die.
We do not own the house we live in. I would like to sell our ranch property and buy something smaller or live in a retirement community and be comfortable in the years we have left. Our son has refused to go with us to see a financial planner. He doesn’t call, doesn’t stop by and is just plain angry. I am sick about this. Please tell me what to do.
— Torn Up in California
———-
Dear California: You don’t say whether or not you have other children or nieces and nephews who might reason with your son. Meanwhile, you do not need his permission to sell your property and move into a retirement home, which makes a great deal of sense to me. Go forward with your plan, and if your son is upset about it, that’s too darned bad.