Andrea Martin and her husband Elliott love to dance in the house to 1950s tunes. They make each other laugh out loud by making funny faces. They are planning 15 years in advance for their postretirement travel adventures, including an Irish excursion and an Alaskan cruise.
It’s not exactly a picture of a relationship in decline. In fact, it’s turned out just how they had hoped, even when they signed a prenuptial agreement before getting married three years ago. Each has adult children from a previous marriage. Andrea Martin said signing the agreement, which outlines what assets belong to whom, in no way diminishes their marriage.
She loves her husband more because of it.
“Not because I think I will ever need it, but because my husband, by doing this, wanted me to know that he wanted me for my love and it had nothing to do with money,” said 48-year-old Martin, a psychotherapist who doesn’t even remember where the document is.
Once limited to celebrities, the prenup is becoming routine among ordinary couples, according to 80 percent of the divorce attorneys surveyed this year by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
Prenuptial agreements–legally binding documents that determine what happens to a couple’s assets should a marriage end–generally cost between $2,500 and $10,000 to establish.
About half of all marriages nationwide end in divorce, a reality fueling the prenup industry.
The details of celebrity arrangements are well-known gossip fodder. Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones, for example, reportedly reached a prenuptial agreement with Michael Douglas that pays her $5 million each time he’s unfaithful to her. Janet Jackson’s former husband Rene Elizondo fought their prenup and reportedly received as much as $25 million from the pop star.
Celebrities aside, divorce attorneys say most people rarely discuss prenups. Several people interviewed for this story did not want to speak publicly, fearing a prenup might make them look money-hungry or divorce-bound.
Years ago, the mere mention of a prenup was considered an affront strong enough to cancel a wedding. But matrimonial observers suggest the negative reputation of prenups is fading as more people divorce. Prenups are becoming another one of life’s unpleasant necessities, like wills and life insurance.
“The bottom line is people are realistic,” Stern said. “People might love each other to the end of the world, but they don’t know what’s going to happen in 10 years.”
Still, many relationship experts say prenuptials will never be a comfortable part of marriage. It’s potentially adversarial, with each partner securing legal representation. They’re videotaped not for affection but for evidence.
Indeed, many prenuptial negotiation processes are contentious. Local divorce attorneys estimate as many as 1 in 10 prenuptial talks abruptly ends–stopping the process and the marriage. Prenup opponent Bill Staton, a Charlotte-based money manager and author of “Worry-Free Family Finances” (McGraw-Hill, $14.95), grimaces at the suggestion.
“So you are trying to find an exit and you haven’t even gotten in the room,” Staton said. “You are setting yourself up for failure.”
However, David Woodsfellow, an Atlanta licensed psychologist who helps fix troubled marriages, said a prenuptial agreement could be a good exercise for couples, if they give themselves at least six months to work it out.
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“It’s got to be done in a loving, `we are in this together’ kind of way,” said Woodsfellow.
Richard Schultz, an Atlanta licensed psychologist, said refusing to sign a prenup could be a red flag.
“This in a way is a litmus test to see if someone is willing to pay attention to the realities,” Schultz said. “If someone can’t handle talking about a prenup, they may not be ready for marriage.”