Dear Ann Landers: I am a 60-year-old widow and have been seeing “John” for two years. He also is 60 years old. John is kind, generous and loving.
The problem is, John has a lot of ex-girlfriends.Most don’t bother me, however, one is a nuisance. “Lucy” is younger than John and dated him for a long time. I suspect Lucy still loves him, but she insists they are just friends. She lives two doors away from John and often stops by to borrow things. John is a good person and doesn’t want to refuse her. Here’s the real problem: John often goes to the VFW hall without me. Unfortunately, Lucy goes there, too. I have asked John to bring me along, but he says it hurts Lucy’s feelings to see us together. What about my feelings? Am I wrong to be jealous?
— Jennie in Maryland
Dear Jennie: Are you sure John is no longer interested in Lucy? It is mighty suspicious that he meets her at the VFW and refuses to let you come along.
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As long as Lucy believes there is hope, she will be “hurt” to see him with you. She will not get over John until she admits he has moved on. Tell John to bring you next time so Lucy can see that your relationship is rock solid. Insist on it.
Dear Ann Landers: Two months ago, my young son was riding his bike and fell off. A neighbor caught him, but the bike rolled forward and hit the neighbor’s car. There was a dent and several scratches. My neighbor asked me to pay to repair the damages. I agreed to do so immediately. He went to several body shops and gave me the estimates. He told me he wanted to fix the car the next day and asked if I could pay him in cash. I went to my bank, withdrew the money and gave it to him.
It has been weeks, and this man has not yet taken the car to be fixed. Every time I see him, he says, “I’m taking it in next week.” I handed him several hundred dollars in good faith, and now I feel he has taken advantage of me. Is there something I should do?
— Out of Pocket in New York
Dear New York: The man obviously did not want to report the accident to his insurance company. Nonetheless, you owed him for the damages. He is, however, under no obligation to use the money to repair the car. The real problem is, you handed him cash, and there is no record of your payment. Write up a statement explaining the damages, what the estimates were, how much you paid him, the date you gave him the money and an agreement that you owe him nothing more. Ask him to sign it in the presence of a notary. Give him a copy, and keep one in your files.
Dear Ann Landers: I received a note from the wife of an acquaintance. She said it was her husband’s 50th birthday and she was giving a small party for his closest friends. She said I am not invited to the party, but she would like me to send a message wishing him a happy birthday . Is this normal procedure? It sounds rude to me. What do you think?
— California Girl
Dear California: It is impolite to make people aware of a party to which they have not been invited. However, since the man is merely an acquaintance and not a close friend, I see no harm in wishing him well on his birthday.
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Do you have questions about sex, but no one to talk to? Ann Landers’ booklet “Sex and the Teenager” is frank and to the point. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.