Dear Ann Landers: I recently married “Jan,” the girl of my dreams. The problem is, one week before the wedding, Jan had too much to drink at a party and slept with some guy she barely knew. We found out yesterday she is pregnant.
Jan wants to have an abortion because the child is not mine and she has no feelings for this other man. I believe abortions are wrong and do not want her to go through with it. I realize it’s her body, but I want her to keep the child. We have decided to ask three people to give us advice — our preacher, her mother and now we are asking you, Ann. Will you please guide us?
— At the Crossroads in the Midwest
Dear Midwest: Can you honestly say you will be able to love this child as if he were your own? That you won’t bring up his paternity in the heat of an argument two years down the road? Will Jan be able to love the child without reservation? If you cannot answer “yes” to these questions, raising the child will be difficult, and the child will be the one to suffer.
Abortion is not the only alternative. You and Jan should discuss putting the child up for adoption. There are many loving, accepting people who would very much like to raise Jan’s baby. Please look into it.
Dear Ann Landers: I recently took a vacation and stayed with my friend, “Mimi.” A few hours after I arrived, her dog bit me. I called Mimi’s doctor, who said all dog bites should be looked at and I should get a tetanus shot to be safe. The problem is, if you see a doctor for an animal bite, the law requires that it be reported to animal control and the owner identified. Mimi took me to the doctor and admitted it was her dog that bit me. The dog had to be quarantined for 10 days, and animal control visited her home. Fortunately, the bite was not severe.
Mimi is now angry with me. She says I didn’t need to see a doctor after all and insists I made a big fuss over nothing. I apologized for causing her unnecessary aggravation, but I believe my health should come first.
Mimi hasn’t spoken to me since I returned home last month. What can I do to repair our friendship?
— Missing Her in Queens, N.Y.
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Dear Queens: Mimi is angry because her home environment came under scrutiny, and she is taking it out on you. She needs time to cool off. You already have apologized, so stop begging for forgiveness. Send Mimi a letter or e-mail, and chat about something else. Be friendly. In a few weeks, she will come around. I guarantee it.
Dear Ann Landers: I am in my late 30s and have been happily married to “Raymond” for 14 years. We vacation at the same place every winter, and for the past several years, Raymond has expressed a desire to move there. Our vacation place is a 12-hour drive from our current home.
The problem is, I have always lived in this city. My parents live nearby, and they are in their late 60s. Although they are in good health at the moment, I am concerned for their future. Raymond and our son both want to move within the next five years. I am afraid if we do this, something will happen to my parents and I will be too far away to help. I don’t want to regret this decision, Ann. Can you help me come to the right conclusion?
— Torn in Kentucky
Dear Kentucky: Go ahead and move. Your parents should be healthy for quite some time. If they need help, you can fly, drive or take a bus or train to reach them. Trust me, you won’t regret it.