Bryan Cox is, after all, a calculating phony, which would not matter a bit if he were a better linebacker. Cox is also history in another month, so his antics are best regarded as light entertainment.
On the day that the Bears managed not to lose for only the second time this season, Cox solemnly and dramatically proclaimed he was denouncing his Bears captaincy.
That’s Cox’s word, denounce. Actually, it is a better word than renounce. One is a curse, the other is a sacrifice. Cox is much better at the first than the second.
“What is this, like hockey?” coach Dave Wannstedt asked when informed of the Cox denouncement.
In hockey, the captain is clearly identified with a “C” on his jersey. Cox might be imagining some dramatic ceremony where his epaulets are snipped and sword broken.
Not only do football captains have no such designations, in Cox’s case it may not even exist in the first place.
“We’ve been kind of rotating the captains around,” Wannstedt said, “and Cox has been doing it the last couple of games.”
In other words, Wannstedt could not be sure that Cox was a captain, a corporal or a corncob.
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So, Cox’s grand gesture is to give back a bogus honor, like Sir Charles Barkley renouncing his knighthood or Bette Midler her divinity. It means something only to Cox.
“This way,” Cox explained, “I won’t have to talk to the officials. I won’t have to go out for the coin flip. I won’t even have to say hello.”
Not because Cox is a bad captain, not because he hurts the team, not because the Bears don’t want him to do it anymore, but because Cox won’t have to be bothered communicating with the officials.
All around the NFL, no doubt, zebras are weeping from regret.
Wannstedt was bemused by the whole thing and promised he would work out something so Cox would not have to talk to the officials anymore. My suggestion would be semaphores, though Cox has tried gestures before.
The thing to do for Cox would be to say a simple sorry and be grateful that his antics against Tampa Bay were moot, not to exaggerate his own importance into such a transparent piece of grandstanding.
The short version of what happened is that Cox got penalized 15 yards on a kickoff for pressing his point. This is not like, oh, poisoning the pregame meal or some such serious crime.
But Cox ranted, was benched, was reinstated and pretty much scolded by friends and officials alike.
“Benched and humiliated,” Cox said, playing the victim.
Guard Todd Burger, as excitable as Cox but without as many opportunities to show it, was the most aggravated and obvious of the Bears carping at Cox.
“I was mad at 30 yards in penalties,” Burger said of the Bears’ contribution to Tampa’s only touchdown, though none of those yards was called on Cox. “But who am I to tell somebody to control his emotions?”
First of all, these penalties seemed inadequate compensation since the Bucs had fumbled the Bears into 10 points, and, second, Cox insisted all he was doing when he got his 15 yards was speaking in his capacity as captain.
“I said `sir’ and `Mr. Official,’ ” Cox insisted. “If that is intimidation I don’t know how else to approach it. He told me to go to the bench. And I told him he wasn’t my daddy.”
Oops. That might have done it.
I don’t recall such behavior from Mike Singletary, but then, as is obvious, Cox is no Mike Singletary.
“I only want to be judged by my play,” Cox said. “Examine my play.”
Well, let’s see. This is only from memory, but if his play is worth examining, it ought to stick in the mind. Cox is perpetually the third man in on tackles. As a pass rusher, he gets nudged by shadows out of his rush. If he doesn’t come clean, he can’t beat a block.
Cox couldn’t cover a receiver if he wrote the policy. And he makes more money than any Bear ever.
That last one has nothing to do with Cox’s play, other than if it were not true, he would not be playing middle linebacker, the position of legend for the Bears. Cox would be a special-teams sacrifice.
Cox does not give value for the dollar. And that is why he will not be with the Bears after this season.
He will not be missed. Except for his silly posturing. Always worth a giggle.