Some things you suspect, some things you guess at and some things you just know.
Thirty days hath September, all the rest have women’s professional basketball.
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This just in: The search for a new commissioner of baseball has been narrowed down to a plaque stick and the first guy back with the sandwiches.
At the rate Dave Wannstedt has been getting votes of confidence, the Bears coach would be wise not to buy any green bananas.
The Bulls didn’t need to go all the way to Paris to play a bunch of foreign champions when the Detroit Red Wings were just up the interstate.
Bob Uecker does for TV baseball analysis what ketchup does for a silk tie.
If Scottie Pippen had waited any longer to see about the pain in his foot, his doctor would have been a paleontologist.
Florida wins the World Series in six.
The larger threat to the world’s comfort is not El Nino, of course, but Fran Drescher.
Fox TV’s pitch-by-pitch used to be called Bob Gibson.
Lou Holtz was not trying to limit Ron Powlus by making him an option quarterback after all, he was trying not to expose him.
With Curtis Conway on the field, the Bears look like a different team–the Arizona Cardinals.
All the tears that were shed when Florida lost to LSU could be collected on a doorknob.
Think of the Bears’ experiment with Rick Mirer the same as the frozen yogurt fad: It had to be tried not to be liked.
Diet or not, there is more than one thin man inside umpire Eric Gregg trying to get out.
Something about North Carolina must cause ambush retirements in October and for the same reasons: Michael Jordan lost his enthusiasm for basketball before Dean Smith lost his.
If form holds, expect Smith to be playing first base for the Hickory Crawdads come spring.
But, your honor, what the defensive tackle thought he was taking were asteroids.
Among our souvenirs: curb feelers, lava lamps, butter churns, Southern Cal vs. Notre Dame.
At 21, Kevin Garnett was just given a salary of $125 million, which may not replace the college experience, but if Garnett really wants it, he now has most of the tuition.
More than Tiger Woods, golf needs a pep band.
Heretofore, concern about Scottie Pippen’s soft tissue was pretty much restricted to his hat size.
There is no known cure for gardening.
When Dennis Rodman has to use bronchitis as an excuse to miss training camp, he needs a new ghostwriter.
Until October, baseball is for recreational use only.
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Photographic evidence will confirm that only one of the six feet that belong to Luc Longley, Bill Wennington and Joe Kleine has ever left the floor.
Unofficially, the land speed record is still between the burritos and the men’s room.
If Illinois held up all the fingers needed to indicate its ranking in college football, it would have to borrow some from Notre Dame.
While most baseball teams would try to hire the next manager of the year, the Sox can’t even hire the manager of next year.
Northwestern is trying to remember into which trunk it packed Cinderella’s work clothes.
Rumors of a boxing match between Larry Holmes and George Foreman must have been started by Barnaby Jones.
The White Sox will miss Terry Bevington only as long as Robin Ventura isn’t driving.