All in all, it was a Hideki Irabu kind of year in baseball, better rumored than seen.
TV Show of the Year, or Oh, Yeah, Explain the Infield Fly Rule and Then We’ll Talk: A documentary crew from the BBC stopped by Wrigley Field this season to join in the celebration of the Cubs as the longest losers in sports, now 89 years and counting.
Anniversary of the Year, or 50 Summers Have Passed Quicker than You Can Say Jackie Robinson: Baseball dedicated the season to the man who made it possible for Cito Gaston to be fired not because of his race but because he didn’t win enough games.
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Hollow Boast of the Year, or Well, At Least the Rams Ain’t Dead Yet: Before spring training, Cardinals manager Tony La Russa guaranteed St. Louis a championship.
Chase of the Year, or Records Are Made To Be Threatened: Ken Griffey Jr. and Mark McGwire reminded another generation that Roger Maris never deserved to break Babe Ruth’s single-season home run record.
Chase of the Year, Part II, or For Want of a Kidney Stone, Immortality Was Lost: San Diego’s Tony Gwynn might have become the first man since Ted Williams to hit .400 if not for a pain in his side.
Pop Quiz of the Year, or At Least Al Campanis Didn’t Need a Crib Sheet: The White Sox’s Frank Thomas was asked what he thought of Jackie Robinson. “I don’t know much about history,” Thomas said.
Petition of the Year, or If My Son Can Come to Bat in the Big Leagues, I Should Be in the Hall of Fame: Pete Rose Jr. went 1 for 3 in his first game as a 27-year-old rookie and Pete Rose Sr. asked to be reinstated as a 56-year-old disgrace.
Baseball Stat of the Year, or The Weird and Wacky Bullpen Adventures of Terry Bevington: Sox relief pitcher Keith Foulke was charged with an earned run without throwing a real pitch when his manager brought him in from the bullpen to issue an intentional walk.
Firing of the Year, or Don’t Give Me a Laptop, I’ll Just Get Tobacco Juice on It: Joe McIlvaine, general manager of the New York Mets, was dismissed in part because he refused to carry a cell phone.
Stalker of the Year, or Maybe Next Spring There Will Be Enough of Us for a Convoy: A fan from Ohio, David E. Henry, drove all the way to Sarasota just to yell at Albert Belle.
Celebratee of the Year (not counting Jackie Robinson), or The Way To Solve What To Wear to the Hall of Fame Is To Use a Hot Water Wash: Carlton Fisk was honored within the same week by both the White Sox and the Red Sox.
Way Too Late Vow of the Year, or Get Your Elbow Out of Your Ear, Sosa, and Listen Up: Cubs manager Jim Riggleman promises to run an instructional league-type training camp next spring. “You just can’t take for granted that today’s ballplayers know fundamentals,” Riggleman concluded.
Ex-Sox Manager of the Year, or Not Even MacGyver Had So Little to Work With: Gene Lamont of the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Stadium of the Year, or Can’t Wait To See What They Name the New Place in San Francisco: Because of the initials of the Bank One Ballpark in Phoenix, everyone just naturally calls the home of the Arizona Diamondbacks the Bob.
Corked Bat of the Year, or I Should Have Suspected Something When I Found It Sticking Out of a Wine Bottle: Los Angeles Dodgers rookie Wilton Guerrero was suspended for eight days when the bat he used to ground out to second base broke cleanly into two pieces and the umpire helpfully picked them up for the batboy.
Short Sight of the Year, or The DH Is Here to Stay: The Major League Baseball players union refused to agree to do away with the designated hitter in return for an extra man on every roster, thereby trading 30 jobs so that Chili Davis can retire later.
Advice of the Year, or You’ve Got To Be Crazy: Jerry Reinsdorf knew what he was talking about.