No, I’m not being disciplined, demoted or deported. My boss hasn’t yelled at me in weeks, I never wrote a bad word about Bobby Ray Inman, and they didn’t send me here because I got jumper cables for Christmas, either.
I’m in Buffalo by choice. The Bills could be 60 minutes away from heading to their fourth straight Super Bowl, and if they do it, I want to be in on a little slice of history. If they do it, I’ll also be in the only place in America that will be happy about it.
I think. I’m not so sure even Buffalo is excited about Sunday’s AFC championship game against the Kansas City Chiefs. By late Friday, several thousand tickets to Rich Stadium were available. That’s unheard of, because these people love their Bills. There are just two seasons in Buffalo. Summer, which begins and ends on the Fourth of July, and football, which starts the day after with the first snow alert. This is the only city where you see salt trucks during the fireworks display.
The NFL extended the usual deadline for lifting the TV blackout. Technically, if a game isn’t sold out 72 hours before kickoff, the game can’t be shown locally. Unfortunately for Bills fans, next week’s Super Bowl is in Atlanta. That’s the one that should be blacked out here. Even though the plows around Buffalo have Bills stickers, there is an underlying fear after three Super Bowl losses in a row. You hear people whisper phrases like “Four-Beat” and “Dive for Five” around town.
Of course, the big problem for the Bills on Sunday figures to be Joe Montana. The Chiefs bought him to help them win, and he has been worth every cent. He pitched the San Francisco 49ers to four Super Bowl victories, and now he could be only 60 minutes away from trying for a fifth. If the 49ers beat Dallas in Sunday’s NFC championship, it could be Montana vs. San Francisco. Most football fans in this country would go down Niagara Falls in a barrel to see that happen, or at least down Niagara Falls without the barrel to see the Bills not go to Atlanta to play anybody. Enough is enough.
Montana can win in any climate. Five Januarys ago, he and the 49ers went to Chicago for the NFC title game. It was “Bear weather,” whatever that means. The wind was swirling at Soldier Field, the surface was too slippery for Montana’s receivers, and it was too cold even for the genius coach, Bill Walsh, to hear himself outthink Mike Ditka. Montana threw for three touchdowns and 288 yards, and the 49ers won 28-3. The Bears were lucky to get 3.
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If the Bills wanted to see Montana try that again, they’re going to be disappointed. It’s not supposed to be nearly as frigid here Sunday. There’s a warm front moving in. It could be 25 or 30 degrees by kickoff, with a slight chance of flurries. They’re going to reopen the schools, so the kids can get out. All St. Bernards get the weekend off. To prevent overcrowding, tourists from Canada must be on official business, not vacation. No pleasure boats will be allowed past the border. Lifeguards can return to local beaches. They don’t have to be able to swim. As long as they can skate.
If the Bills were normal, Buffalo would be spared a lot of barbs. The Bills lost Super Bowl XXV to the Giants 20-19 when Scott Norwood’s field-goal attempt with 8 seconds remaining went wide right. The Bills could have been heartbroken enough to fall apart. By they just keep coming back for more of less. They lost Super Bowl XXVI by 13 and Super Bowl XXVII by 35. At least the Bills kept their team together, though. The Bears can’t make that statement.
Now the Bills are trying to pull another prank on America. The Chiefs are in the way, but I’m not sold on them. They lost to the Bears, after all. Granted, they didn’t have Montana then. But I’d feel a lot better about the Chiefs if they’d lost to the Bears without having a quarterback, period.
Anyway, I hate to spoil a good story, but I think the Bills will win Sunday. I like Dallas, too. Ladies and gentlemen, start your barrels.