Here’s 48 percent of everything you wanted to know about the White Sox but were afraid to ask because George Bell was talking.
Question: What must the White Sox do to win the American League pennant?
Answer: Starting Tuesday night, they have to win 100 percent of their next two games while the Toronto Blue Jays have to win only 50 percent.
Q: Why are you talking like that?
A: Because if we don’t, Bell won’t respect us as either a columnist or a man. It was he who said that 48 percent of White Sox players are mad at manager Gene Lamont. Like any expert pollster, Bell cautioned that there’s a 3 percent margin of error either way, in which case 51 percent of the White Sox actually could be mad at Lamont.
Q: What would Casey Stengel think about something like that?
A: He’d probably say the key to managing the White Sox is keeping the 48 percent of the players who are mad at him away from the 52 percent who aren’t.
Q: Did Bo Jackson make a mistake after Game 2 by saying the White Sox were “playing a man short?”
A. Yes. What he should have said was that the White Sox were playing 4 percent short.
Q: Do White Sox players have a right to be angry about Michael Jordan’s retirement overshadowing the start of this American League Championship Series?
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A: Only if they bought tickets to the United Center.
Q: Is the relationship between Jordan and Chairman Jerry Reinsdorf harmful to the White Sox?
A: There’s an interesting theory about that. When Reinsdorf seriously considered moving the White Sox to Florida in 1988, he knew he couldn’t show his face in Chicago if he did so. But he also owns the Bulls, and he didn’t want to have to sell them because they had Jordan, the greatest basketball player who ever lived. So, Reinsdorf kept the White Sox here because of Jordan.
Q: Whose theory is that?
A: It belongs to Harry Caray, who detests Reinsdorf, so there might be a 3 percent margin for error.
Q: Is there a possibility Bell will be the designated hitter in Game 6?
A: If Lamont bases his decision on the regular season, there’s only a 21.7 percent chance Bell won’t leave the White Sox 4 percent short.
Q: White Sox players complained that their charter plane waited two hours on the tarmac before it left for Toronto last Thursday. Do they have a legitimate gripe?
A: There are U.S. soldiers in Somalia who wouldn’t mind sitting on a tarmac for two hours as long as they knew they were flying out of there. But that’s baseball.
Q: Did Jack McDowell really say that “winning a World Series is not a priority around here?”
A: Since he joined the White Sox in 1987, about as often as he’s been asked. He suggested as much during spring training, when winning the Grapefruit League wasn’t a priority. Of course, if McDowell didn’t win 22 games this season, the White Sox wouldn’t be in a position to win a World Series.
Q: But on Sunday, McDowell said he didn’t say what he was supposed to have said on Friday. Same with Bo, who said he didn’t say what he said on Wednesday. What gives?
A: Sometimes during pennant pressure, people suffer from selective amnesia.
Q: What is selective amnesia?
A: What? Who said anything about selective amnesia?
Q: Dave Stewart, unbeaten in playoff competition, is Tuesday night’s starter for Toronto. Can the White Sox avoid losing to him?
A: Absolutely. Stewart, a terrific human being, stayed in Toronto Monday to feed the hungry on Canadian Thanksgiving. The White Sox could send their plane to get Stewart, and he won’t get here until Friday.
Q: Besides playing the percentages, what else has Lamont done to bring the White Sox this far?
A: He’s changed a few diapers, but at least 48 percent of the Oakland A’s were mad at Charles Finley in the early ’70s, and all they did was win three straight World Series.
Q: What will it be like at Comiskey Park Tuesday night?
A: Weather bureau says there’s a 98 percent chance of temperatures in the low 40s with possible flurries in the upper deck.