All summer, you’ve been wondering how to help the Cubs. Finally, here’s an opportunity. The team will hold tryouts July 20 at Pete Vonachen Stadium in Peoria. Participants should be 16-22 years old, but they’ll probably bend on age if you can play third base. Bring your own equipment.
Laugh riot: Here’s something the Cubs don’t need right now: A 30-minute TV special in which Chicago comedians make jokes about our teams. Called “Sports Night at the Improv,” it will air July 25 on WMAQ-Ch. 5 with announcer Tom Shaer as host. The format is Chicago comedians Jimmy McHugh, Jerry Miner and Harry Teinowitz poking fun at Our Heroes. The show is the idea of independent producer Bart Fox, who’s hopeful of the pilot turning into a regular program for TV. How can it miss?
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Bargain hunting: The All-Star Game is Tuesday night, a showcase in which the participants’ combined income roughly equals the Gross National Product of a third-world country. Let us put together All-Star lineups of players making less than $1 million this season, based on figures at the start of the season, and see if we can come up with something representative.
– Catcher: Mike Piazza, L.A. (.317, 18 HRs), $126,000; Chris Hoiles, Orioles (.297, 18 HRs), $350,000.
– First base: Andres Galarraga, Colo. (.391, 65 RBIs), $600,000; Frank Thomas, White Sox (.300, 18 HRs, 63 RBIs), $900,000.
– Second base: Luis Alicea, Cardinals (.322), $160,000; Rich Amaral, Mariners (.290), $122,500.
– Shortstop: Royce Clayton, Giants (.297, 45 RBIs), $155,000; Gary DiSarcina, Angels (.254, 38 RBIs), $265,000.
– Third base: Dave Hollins, Phillies (.278, 53 RBIs), $600,000; Dean Palmer, Texas (20 HRs, 62 RBIs), $250,000.
– Left field: Bernard Gilkey, Cardinals (.332, 23 doubles), $175,000; Chris Gwynn, Royals (.311, no errors), $460,000.
– Center field: Orlando Merced, Pirates (.360, 49 RBIs), $305,000; Kenny Lofton, Indians (.320, 33 stolen bases), $425,000.
– Right field: Joe Orsulak, Mets (.310), $650,000; Juan Gonzalez, Texas (.325, 23 HRs, 60 RBIs), $525,000.
– Pitcher: Tommy Greene, Phillies (11-2, 3.51 ERA), $275,000; Alex Fernandez, White Sox (10-4, 2.77 ERA), $578,333.
Of course, none of my hard-working crew would accept a bonus for getting in this All-Star Game.
Three strikes: Mike Ditka’s return to WSCR-AM with a weekly show this season raised some eyebrows in the Bears’ camp for several reasons. 1. Knowing he may forfeit a big chunk of severance pay if he takes the muzzle off and rips the Bears-something callers will be trying to get him to do-how candid will he really be? 2. Why not give new coach Dave Wannstedt and his staff a little breathing room? The ex-coach is sure to be a lightning rod for critics if and when the team falters.
Earth tones: The L.A. Clippers, who lost Larry Brown as coach to the Indiana Pacers, may be replacing him with another Brown-Hubie Brown. The TV-network analyst and former NBA coach is said to be close to signing an agreement with the Clippers to become their new head man.
Slowed down: Shawn Abner impressed a lot of White Sox fans with his hustle last season. It’s possible Abner hustled himself right out of baseball-playing a pickup basketball game. The outfielder, with the Omaha Royals in the American Association, suffered a knee injury before a game with New Orleans and is lost for the season, according to a Royals’ official. At age 27, Abner faces an uphill struggle to return to the sport.
Where is he now?: Former Illinois QB Jason Verduzco is the No. 3 quarterback with the B.C. Lions of the Canadian Football League. He played a little in one exhibition, but didn’t see any action in last week’s regular-season opener. CFL insiders say it’s a good situation. The Lions are partial to small, mobil QBs, having had Doug Flutie as a star at the position before losing him to Calgary.
Go fish: The first Richard J. Daley Memorial Fishing Derby has been scheduled for Aug. 6-8 in the Chicago River, from Lake Michigan to Michigan Avenue. The sight of all those poles on the river’s bank should be something to see. Organizers say 23 species of fish thrive in that portion of the river. It wasn’t that long ago-before biologists cleaned things up-you were more likely to snag automobile tires, tin cans and an occasional corpse in this stretch of water.
Around town: A quick glance at the De Paul mens’ basketball prospectus for next season shows there isn’t much height for coach Joey Meyer. Senior Michael Ravizee, at 6-feet-9-inches, is the tallest player and he has never scored more than 10 points in a Blue Demons uniform. . . . Latest Halas Hall scuttlebutt: Free agent Keith Van Horne will sign a contract and return to Platteville, but it’s looking more doubtful Richard Dent will be back. . . . Ex-Bear Curtis Gentry is honorary chairman July 26 for the Tee Off for Kids Sake golf outing at Midlane in Wadsworth. Sponsored by Abbott Labs, it’s a benefit for Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Lake County.