SHE`S BEEN ROCKED

Susan Louden might want a drink to calm her nerves, but nothing ”on the rocks.” Louden was at home in Westover, W.Va., when a crash upstairs shook her ”right down to the fillings of my teeth.” A fallen tree, perhaps? Nope. It was a 500-pound limestone boulder-catapulted from a construction-site blast 300 feet away. ”All the kids were out of the house. The Lord was looking out for us,” said Louden, noting that it lodged in the floor of the home`s second story-in a bedroom shared by two sons.

AH, A KNIGHT TO REMEMBER If her romantic dreams included a knight in shining armor, well, Kerry O`Connell`s dream has come true. Hearing a knock on her door, O`Connell, 29, found her boyfriend dressed in fiberglass armor and kneeling on her stoop in Bridgeport, Conn. ”Kerry Anne O`Connell, I would like to be your knight forever,” said Rui Lopes, 27. ”Will you marry me?” O`Connell, seeing that Sir Knight and his horse were surrounded by curious neighbors, blushed. Then she said ”yes” and kissed her beau. Lopes explained that he was smitten by medieval accoutrements long ago: ”I can`t really explain it, but I decided when I was 14 or 15 years old that I should propose in armor and on a horse.” ACLU JOINS KKK IN N.C. It isn`t knights in shining armor that aroused the ACLU. It`s men who dress in bedsheets. Lawyers for the American Civil Liberties Union, going to bat for the Ku Klux Klan, have asked North Carolina officials to reconsider their rejection of a Klan offer to join the state`s ”Adopt A Highway”

program. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People got the okay to join the trash-removal effort, observed ACLU lawyer James Shields, adding that the state ”is doing a very Klan-like thing” by siding only with groups with acceptable views.

JACKIE MASON: TAKE THAT! Comic Jackie Mason is at it again. Ousted from Rudolph Giuliani`s New York mayoral campaign after suggesting that Jews are too guilt-ridden to vote against black politicians, the combative ex-rabbi now has set a fire in Giuliani`s camp. ”I never saw a more incompetent group of people in my life,” said Mason of Giuliani`s staff. ”They look like they don`t know if they`re running a campaign . . . or they should be running for a bar on Second Avenue.” As for the controversy that booted him from politics, Mason told New York magazine that he sees racial hypocrisy at work. If it`s permissible for Democratic candidate David Dinkins to link Giuliani with Ronald Reagan, he said, it should be okay to link Dinkins with Jesse Jackson without being charged with racism. ”Twenty years ago, the white people were racists and the blacks were the victims,” Mason said. ”Today, it`s exactly the opposite.”

MORE ON THE SOVIET UFO Attention, earthlings: ”Something did in fact happen,” says a major Soviet newspaper, Sovietskaya Kultura, pursuing a bizarre report by Tass of a visit by aliens in Voronezh. The newspaper, quoting unidentified witnesses, said it has confirmed a twilight landing Sept. 27 by ”a dark red ball” in a Voronezh park and the descent of a 10-foot, three-eyed alien clad in silvery overalls, bronze-colored boots and wearing a disk on his chest. Moments later, a robot companion ”zapped” a frightened boy with a 20-inch tube and made him disappear. Sovietskaya Kultura, published by the Communist Party`s policymaking Central Committee, was the only major national daily to print anything about the UFO. The paper said a crowd assembled and watched as a hatch opened in the lower part of the sphere. When the alien left, the boy reappeared. Is someone drinking too much glasnost, you ask? ”Don`t believe all you hear from Tass,” advised spectroscopist Genrikh Silanov, head of the Voronezh Geophysical Laboratory. Saying he was erroneously quoted by Tass that rocks left behind were of unearthly origin, Silanov added, ”We never gave them part of what they published.” (Sorry. No more details; shortly afterward, Silanov`s telephone connection was cut.)