Mike Royko

I hate statistics, but when school test results are published, as they were yesterday, I wade through and find my old grammar school. The scores were depressing. Then I look...

A flattering invitation recently arrived. It was from Joseph Neely, an author in Michigan, who wrote: ''I am compiling a book which features the favorite saying of successful persons such...

Losing a job can be tough for anyone. And in some ways, it`s even worse for George Bush. When most people get the boot, they clean out their desk or...

Since I was near City Hall, I decided to drop in and ask the mayor to pin a medal on my chest and give me a pat on the head....

It`s remarkable that in one week there should be two scientific advancements that will fantastically enhance the sex lives of millions of Americans. First, there was the announcement of the...

In the mood for a jolt of envy, some grinding of teeth? Then let us talk of baseball contracts, which can always get the old resentment juices flowing. As all...

Bill Clinton is angry because the press has been bothering his daughter`s cat. The animal has been lured into camera range with catnip, held aloft by a TV person, surrounded...

Jeremy Rifkin and his fellow environmentalists have come up with a wonderful idea, and I hope they pursue it with great vigor. Rifkin is president of an environmental group called...

Scientists are engaged in frenzied competition. In research centers all over this country, they are in engaged in a frenzied race to see who can come up with a new...

So now we have a stretch of interstate highway in Florida being patrolled by the National Guard because wackos try to kill passing motorists. Only a few weeks ago, the...