Mike Royko

Considering that he has never pilfered public funds, molested little children, rioted in the streets or been accused of hanging around with aldermen, Jerry Krause is just about the most...

If we are going to reinvent the federal government, as President Clinton vows, the first thing that should be done is to appoint a Chief Nickel-Biter. This cheapo-czar, as he...

If it turns out that Republicans stole the governor's election in New Jersey by bribing blacks not to vote, I'll be surprised. I never thought Republicans were that smart. As...

To my disgust, the fax machine began humming early in the morning, spewing out terrible Limericks about the Bobbitts. Being a highly sensitive and politically correct person, my conscience tells...

During lunch with several co-workers, one of them brought up a disgusting subject. "I've written a limerick about that Bobbitt couple," he said. "Want to hear it?" Despite my protests...

After flipping through a large stack of biographical material on Ross Perot, I still haven't found the answers to several key questions about him. Does he look under the bed...

I just phoned six friends and asked them what they will be doing on Thursday. They all said the same thing: "working." Me too. There is something else we share....

Between sips, Slats Grobnik jabbed at a pocket calculator, then said: "It's time to look at the bright side." Of what? "Michael Jordan quitting his job." You mean his retirement?...

In the past, I've written unkind words about tiny dogs. I thoughtlessly said that all they're good for is being tied to long sticks to wash windows or being sprayed...

Anyone who has worked a night shift can sympathize with Dave Gault. At night, he goes to his job as a bartender-waiter at a restaurant. When he gets home, he...