Dave Barry

RECENTLY I RECEIVED AN exciting offer in the mail from my credit-card company. Usually the offers involve merchandise that no actual human would ever need. ''Dear Mr. Dave Barry,'' they...

EARLIER THIS YEAR MY WIFE, Beth, was ravaged by a sudden, unexpected outbreak of modern medical care. Well, okay, technically she also had a medical problem, which I won`t go...

THANKSGIVING IS A TIME when we pause to BUUURRRP. Excuse me. Thanksgiving is a time when we pause to remember the courageous sacrifices of BURRRRRRRPP. Whoo. Sorry. We pause to...

AS A FASHION-CONSCIOUS guy, I recently became concerned about what I`m supposed to be wearing this fall, now that it`s half over. So I got hold of GQ magazine (''For...

HUNTING SEASON IS ALMOST here, and soon thousands of sportspersons will be out in the woods, stalking the wily deer as their pioneer foreparents once did, armed with nothing but...

OK, YOUNGSTERS. GATHER `round your old Uncle Dave, and I`ll tell you the True Halloween Horror Story about the time my friend Don put his wife`s tights on his head....

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF OUR SO-called ''representatives'' in Washington being influenced by powerful special-interest groups on crucial federal issues. As you have no doubt gathered, I am referring...

THOSE OF YOU WHO CARE deeply about America`s future will be alarmed by the continuing efforts of high-level Republicans to recruit me as an influential national leader. The method they`re...

OCTOBER IS HERE, SPORTS fans, and you know what that means: It means two- thirds of the National Football League has already been sidelined with knee injuries. But it also...

IT`S 8:30 A.M., AND I`M IN A SMALL, brightly lit room with a tube in my arm, and a woman I have never met before named Bette is scrubbing my...