Dave Barry

BEING AN ORDINARY CITIZEN, you are, no offense, way too stupid to understand the complex problems involved in trying to balance the federal budget. So it`s fortunate that you have...

Commencement address to the high school graduates of 1992: As I look out over your shining faces, I am reminded of the Bartlett`s familiar quotation by the great Greek philosopher...

Here at the Bureau of Animal Alarm we have received a disturbing Associated Press photograph sent in by alert journalist Russ Williams of the Citizen-Times in Asheville, N.C. (motto: ''A...

Today`s Topic For Guys is: Communicating With Women. If there`s one thing that women find unsatisfactory about guys-and I base this conclusion on an extensive scientific study of the pile...

I`m always amazed when people ask, ''What good are dogs, anyway?'' Dogs are extremely useful. Dogs are so useful I`m surprised they`re not widely sold in vending machines. (''You got...

Note to readers: This is the second part of a two-part investigative humor series on a tax-deductible trip my family and I took out West, during which, as we shall...

Note to readers: This is Part One of a two-part tax-deductible investigative humor series. Recently my family and I, in an effort to explore this great nation`s Western heritage and...

Today`s career question is: Should You Work At Home? Working at home is an idea that is appealing to more and more people, such as George Bush. One day he...

My original plan was to write a column about a troubling issue raised by Ken Clark of Kent, Wash., concerning the 1964 Shirley Ellis hit song ''The Name Game.'' As...

As wedding season approaches, concerned young brides-to-be are constantly stopping me, sometimes by leaping in front of my car, and saying, ''Dave, my family does not have a lot of...