GOLFERS, GATORS, GANGSTA DUCKS
I imagine you sports fans are dying to learn the results of my golf tournament. That is correct: I have a golf tournament. It used to be that you had...
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FEEDING YOUR WORST FEARS
I have received some important information via a letter from Claire Nordstrum, 13, a student in Wisconsin (state motto: "Moo"). Claire states that her science teacher told the class that...
SCIENCE: IT’S JUST NOT FAIR
TODAY'S TOPIC FOR YOUNG PEOPLE IS: How To Do A School Science Fair Project. So your school is having a science fair! Great! The science fair has long been a...
WE KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!
I am getting sick and tired of listening to you members of the public carping about the news media. Every time I turn on the TV or radio, they're interviewing...
ALL BETS ARE OFF
As a parent, I believe it is my responsibility to help my son develop the skills he will need to become a responsible and productive member of society. So I...
EVEN MORE TAXING ADVICE
It is time once again for our annual feature,"Tax Advice for Humans," the column that explains our complex federal tax laws to you in simple, everyday terms that have virtually...
PROBLEMS OF UTMOST GRAVITY
Recently, while visiting New York City (Civic Motto: "I Got Yer Civic Motto Right Here"), I saw an alarming article in The New York Times, which is a newspaper up...
MORONS! CASHEW BRAINS!
If you do much driving on our nation's highways, you've probably noticed that, more and more often, bullets are coming through your windshield. This is a common sign of Road...
MIND YOUR P’S AND Q’S AND TEAS
Recently, I took part in a High Tea, which is a ritualistic British type of light meal involving a large quantity of etiquette. Generally, I do not get involved with...
WEIRD WORD PROBLEMS
Once again our glands are swollen with pride as we present "Ask Mister Language Person," the column that answers your common questions about grammar, punctuation and sheep diseases. Mister Language...