Dave Barry

Ever since I declared my candidacy for president of the United States, concerned citizens have been asking me: "Dave, why don't you also run for U.S. senator from New York?"...

It is time once again for Ask Mister Language Person, the advice column written by the world's No. 1, foremost, leading authority on grammar, syntax, podiatry and using big words...

Today I want to tell you about an exciting innovation in television programming from the Czech Republic. By way of background, I should explain that the Czech Republic is a...

As a man, I believe that, every now and then, a man should do something manly. So when I got invited to the North Texas Earthmoving Field Day, my manly...

Today's topic is: Home Security. Recently my wife and I went to the home of some friends for a dinner party involving three couples and numerous pets. Our hosts are...

Members of the graduating Class of 1999: When I gaze out upon you, so young and proud in your caps and gowns, the thought that goes through my mind, as...

Before I get to today's topic, which is celebrity-attacking birds, I want to issue a formal apology to the "Tri Cities." The "Tri Cities" are Pasco, Richland and Kennewick, Wash.,...

Whatever you are doing, drop it right now, unless it is a baby. Because I have obtained some shocking information regarding our National Security -- information that I am going...

For several agonizing months now, I have been agonizing over the agonizing question of whether I should run for president. If I had to describe this agonizing process in one...

I may be 51 years old, but, darn it, I'm still a "rock 'n' roll kind of animal." So when a friend named Gene offered me some tickets to a...