Ever since the U.S. and Israel started the war against Iran, Pedram Etebari, of Valparaiso, has been unable to contact his family members in Iran.
WhatsApp and other methods don’t work. They can reach him, but he can’t call or message them. “My entire family, grandma, grandpa, my entire family,” are unreachable.
The war cost his sister in Iran her job. She doesn’t have internet access, so no Zoom access and no job as an English teacher.
A lot has changed in Iran in the 13 years since Etabari arrived in the United States to study at Valparaiso University.
A U.S. dollar used to be worth about 3,000 rial. Now, after economic sanctions that limit exports plus the war on Iran, a dollar was worth more than 1.3 million rial as of Saturday.
“There is more poverty in Iran. There’ is nothing happening in the country,” Etebari said.
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“We have an insane amount of gold and silver,” but with exports throttled, 70% of Iran’s population is in poverty, he said.
Etebari, who spoke Friday night at a Valparaiso International Center event, noted that Iran has the world’s second-largest copper mine as well as plentiful gas, oil and coal. Iran holds the world’s third-largest oil reserves and is among the top 10 oil producers globally.
The war has impacted global oil markets. As of Saturday, gas prices in Valparaiso were well over $4 a gallon.
“We have by far one of the richest countries in the world,” at least in resources, in Iran, Etebari said.
He was born and raised in Kerman, one of Iran’s oldest cities. It’s known for producing Persian rugs.
“The majority of those rugs are very unique,” Etebari said. Women weave the rugs.
“They’re handmade. That’s why they have the value. That’s why they have the meaning. And every one has a meaning behind it.”
He displayed some of his rugs as well as samples of Persian cuisine at his lecture Friday.
Kerman province is known for pistachios, too. “We produce 50% of the pistachios in the world. I know. We’re pretty amazing people.”
Etebari spoke about Persian history, geography, culture and customs. He describes himself as Persian, rather than Iranian. In Iran, people who support the current regime describe themselves as Iranians.
“If you hang around me, I say family is everything,” Etebari said. “Family is the center of social life.”
“You do not ever eat alone. That does not exist,” he said. Grandparents often live with their kids and grandkids, and it’s not because they can’t afford separate homes. “Remember who helped you to grow and take your first steps. Remember that perspective and just put it in reverse.”
“You don’t talk when your elder is talking. You’ve got to have a lot of respect for your elders,” Etebari said.
“Privacy is less valued than family closeness,” he said. “Privacy doesn’t mean anything in the family.” Everyone in the family will know how much you have and how much you earn.
“Moving out before marriage is very unusual,” he said.
“Especially if you are a boy in Persian culture, you are very spoiled,” and don’t want to leave home, Etebari said.
“Boys get a lot of free passes,” and he was no exception. “They have more opportunities to be successful if they want to.”
Where Etebari grew up, the desert gave that part of Iran a hot, dry climate. His first winter in Valparaiso gave him culture shock.
In 2013, with snow up to his knees, he was walking to class at VU. “I called my mom and said, ‘I’m going to die,’” Etebari said. “13 years later, I’m still trying to get adjusted to it.”
Tables had to be put in place following the lecture so attendees could sample the food Etebari’s mother prepared. In Iran, that wouldn’t have happened. Etebari’s grandfather would have insisted on putting a cloth on the floor and having everyone sit cross-legged to eat, as is the custom in Iran.
Etebari still tells guests to take off their shoes at his home. “No. 1, we don’t know where your shoes have been, and we want to know. And No. 2, it’s a sign of respect.”
When he attended VU, it was his first time having girls in a class with them. “This is an Islamic country,” he said of Iran. Classes are segregated by sex. Even at the university level, when boys and girls can be in the same class, they have to sit apart from each other.
An attendee Friday asked about face coverings for girls. “No, no, no, no no. That’s a different country,” Etebari said.
As a father, he tells his sons when they leave home that what they do reflects on the entire family, for generations.
“The father is the law. That’s huge.” Even adult children have to get their father’s permission to marry.
“Iranian fathers, they don’t show emotion at all. There is no crying. Crying would show you’re weak,” he said.
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“Respect is everything. Your dad walks in, you stand up,” Etebari said. Say something bad about his mom, “I don’t think we’d be able to talk ever again.”
Parties are a big deal in Iran. “We throw parties for everything. We like to dance, we like to eat, we like to drink.”
“Parties usually start at 9, 10 p.m. They usually last until 2, 3 a.m. We keep going until you can’t stand on your feet,” Etebari said.
Etebari’s lecture was set for 7 p.m., but his talk began late when additional chairs were being set up for attendees who kept arriving. In Iran, guests usually arrive about two hours after the time set on the invitation, Etebari said.
And there’s tea, black tea, served frequently. “There is always a tea,” Etebari. “We don’t have decaf.” Even when going to a bank for a loan, a customer is offered tea.
Valparaiso International Center board member Duane Davison said Etebari, owner of FiTrain and a personal trainer, is part of the American dream.
Etebari, who has two young sons, recently became engaged to his fiancée and last year reunited with his mother after securing her visa.
Doug Ross is a freelance reporter for the Post-Tribune.