No Chicagoan wants to hear from a snowbirder. Although the prospect might be a little less distasteful this winter, when many days the temperature in Chicago was the same as in Arizona.
But people, I come not to talk about sun and mountains. As a newbie snowbirder in southern Arizona, I have discovered a different amazing phenomenon.
Life without traffic.
Yes, my fellow sufferers of the two-hour nightmare trip from O’Hare to the Loop, there are places on this earth where there is virtually no traffic. Where you can drive on a highway instead of pretty much parking on it. Where you can do an errand in the afternoon without having to pack a meal.
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Unimaginable, you say? Certainly to a Chicagoan. Chicago in 2022 was ranked as having the worst traffic of any major city in the U.S. The annual report by INRIX, a transportation analytic firm, found that the average driver wasted 155 hours sitting in congestion that year — an amount of time I believe I spent on the Eisenhower Expressway in the month of August.
But friends, let me describe driving in far southern Arizona, where my husband and I have spent the last two months. We are well outside the major metro areas but near a major interstate. We head out onto it regularly, and — wait, where is everyone?
Oh, there are cars and trucks, but by Chicago standards, almost none. You merge into traffic, only to find that there is nothing to merge into. You just — drive onto the highway.
Then you set the cruise control to 75 and watch the spectacular scenery go by.
Welcome to a beautiful alternate traffic universe.
With so little traffic, everyone spreads out, in a vehicular sense. People hum along steadily at the pleasantly brisk speed limit. Distances between cars open up like prairies.
Did I mention that the main roads, free from winter freeze-and-thaw cycles, are as smooth as a baby’s bottom? Or that our local highway is a string-straight line between fabulous mountains?
A strange driving sensation settles in: tranquility.
There is no anxiety over how late you are about to be, because you are going to be early. There is no fury at the jerk who just zoomed up onto your tail, because no one is zooming up onto your tail. What would be the point? There’s so much space to simply pass. And how many drivers are going fast enough to zoom up to a car moving at 75 mph?
No, friends, this is a stress-free driving experience, a veritable Xanax highway. Oh, there’s still the occasional tailgater — this is the human race at the wheel, after all — but mostly civility and peace reign.
It’s been sweet — but also a sobering lesson in the cost of Chicago traffic. And not just the $2,618 in lost time and wasted fuel that INRIX estimated traffic cost the average Chicago driver in 2022 and the $9.5 billion it cost the city.
We also pay a price in stress — the frustration and anger that boil up when we’re navigating our city’s crammed roadways. It’s a high, and sometimes road rage-deadly, toll.
My open road party is about to be over; soon I’ll be dusting off my swear words and coming home. The Eisenhower notwithstanding, I’ll be happy to be back in Chicago. After all, traffic congestion is the price we pay to live in a grand city that lots of other people want to live in, too.
It may take me a while to adjust. If you see me leaving enough space in front of me to accommodate two semis, four HVAC repair trucks and an Uber, just lay on your horn really hard and flip me the bird.
Home, sweet home!
Barbara Brotman is a former Tribune columnist.
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